If Austin is America's Cool Kid City, what are America's other High School Lunch Table cities?
Pittsburgh is America's Sensitive Jock Whose Overbearing Dad Will Beat Him If He Finds Out He Turned Down a Full Ride at State To Go To Art School
LA/SF/Seattle: the Mean Girls
Dallas: Captain of the Cheerleading Squad
Portland is the Rich Kid With Permissive Parents Who Own a Lumber Store And Used To Be an Emo Until He Read Howard Zinn And Then He Started the Anarcho-Syndicalist Club
Washington is the Annoying Phony Student Council President Desperate To Get Into An Ivy Who Offers the Principal a BJ If He Expunges Her Long Record of Stealing Money From Lockers During Gym Class
Chicago is the Hulking Bully Who Has Been Suspended 17 Times For Torturing Freshmen But Somehow Is Always Readmitted And Is Sometimes Cogent And Charming When He's On His Meds But Everyone Is Afraid To Look Him In The Eye, Even The Other Bullies
if my Twitter feed was a city, it would be the Troubled Loner Who Is Always Muttering To Himself That Austin Thinks It's So Cool But It's Totally Not Cool And Bought a Yearbook So He Could Draw Devil Horns and Cut The Eyes Out Of Austin's Picture
Me: shares WSJ article referring to Austin as "Cool-Kid City"
My Twitter feed:
My Twitter feed:
Des Moines Is The Mousy Girl Who Just Got Contacts and Her Braces Removed Who Wanders The Lunchroom Asking The Various Power Clique Tables If That Chairs Is Taken Only To Experience Eye-Rolls And Ends Up Sitting With Omaha Again
New Orleans is the Girl Who Is Extremely Popular For All The Wrong Reasons
Buffalo, Cleveland, Indy, Detroit, Milwaukee: The Gearheads From The Other Side of the Tracks Who Drive Their Dads' 4x4s and Jacked Up Camaros and Throw a Kegger at Milwaukee's House Every Weekend
New York is the 48 Year Old Turtleneck Drama Teacher Still Working On Finding a Publisher For His Autobiography He Started in Grad School and Finally Leaving This Dead End Job But Secretly Worries The Kids No Longer Think of Him as the Cool Teacher
Atlanta / Charlotte, Raleigh, Jacksonville & Birmingham
Atlanta and LA
Boston and Philly are The Wiseass Transfers From The Catholic High School Because Their Parents No Longer Could Afford The Tuition But Now Claim It Was For Brawling And Frankly They're Laying It On A Little Too Thick With The Tough Guy Accents
