Thread by @iowahawkblog

"9-1-1: Lone Star" is officially the funniest show in the history of television

It's like "Reno 911!" except less self-serious

best part of the whole show: driving from NY to Austin through a vast unpopulated sandy desert

I watched the whole show, and savored each scene and each line like a 24-year old scotch. Prompted wife & I to 7 high-fives and minimum 3 tears-of-laughter moments

Spoiler alert: the first crisis Rob Lowe's newly assembled Austin Intersectional Emergency SuperTeam must tackle is a ghost pepper taco prank gone wrong

Did I mention the scene where the little girl orphan of the hero firefighter dad who was killed in the big Austin fertilizer plant explosion bakes cookies for the new team, and Rob Lowe heroically powers thru the cookie while mumbling he is doing keto?

Of course after their first successful life-saving mission, the new SuperTeam celebrates traditional Austin-style: by line-dancing in checkered shirts to Bro Country

by the way, how much are we paying firefighters in this town? Rob Lowe has a luxury modernist place with Hill Country views, and even the drawling PTSD redneck has a Dwell-worthy house with vintage MCM Nelson swag lamps and Danish modern chairs

Another spoiler alert: the deadly Austin fertilizer plant explosion is caused by a fat Richard Jewell-type security guard microwaving a tin foil-covered burrito while excitedly listening to the Texas A&M game on a transistor radio

New firehouse captain: "Only $4500 per month for a 2 bedroom apartment?? OMG Austin is the cheapest place in the WORLD!"

I think the laughter from that almost sucked my soul from my body

https://twitter.com/RAINbyte/status/1219276645028241409

characters introduced:

Spray tan NYFD hero with 9/11 cancer
His gay son struggling with opioid addiction
Muslim Point Break super stuntwoman
Trans Person of Color with superpowers of observation
Latino Simple Jack who likes polishing things
Misunderstood PTSD Texas redneck

Issues tackled:

9/11
Environmental cancer
Opioid crisis
Intersectionality
Learning disabilities
Healthcare costs
PTSD
SXSW
proper skin moisturizing
Overly-spicy peppers
Babies thrown into 80 foot trees from a car wreck

I'm afraid they may have shot their whole wad on Episode 1

Austin EMS dispatch traffic tip: the quickest route to any emergency is via northbound Congress Avenue

Look for the neighborhood that bears a striking resemblance to Huntington Beach

I desperately want to write an episode of this show. Pitch: mad bomber targets South Austin's new seaside Islamic LGBT food truck court / craft absinthery. The only clue? One of those yellow snake flags.

Let's do lunch

Brandon Tartikoff's elevator pitch for Miami Vice was famously "MTV Cops." I'm guessing the elevator pitch for this show was "SXSW Popup Fire Station"

I am 100% convinced the show creators have never been to Austin aside from 2 days at the 2018 SXSW Film & TV conference, where they wrote the whole series outline on a cocktail napkin at the W Hotel lounge

Honestly, I really can't tell, which in my book amplifies its humor value 3x

https://twitter.com/MrGomez_WHst/status/1219321488752304128

some dropoff in Episode 2 of "9-1-1: Lone Star," but still solid 3 3/4 stars.

Main plot: Suave lifesaving Austin FD Captain Rob Lowe faces his own personal Sophie's Choice - die from cancer, or sacrifice his beloved hair?

I. Am. Not. Kidding.

spoiler alert: against his every instinct, the Captain decides he is ready to let his beloved hair die, but only after being told he looks good in a cowboy hat

https://twitter.com/EvilMopacATX/status/1219751777794428929

again, I assure you nothing in this entire thread is the result of my imagination

The Captain's brave decision to sacrifice his hair and his medicine cabinet of hair treatments only comes after a bromance horse ride with PTSD Redneck, who emerges as a surprisingly wise young sensei to the true Zen of Texasness

Spoiler alert within a spoiler alert: no one will be seated during the ROB LOWE HAIR LOSS EMBARRASSMENT NIGHTMARE SCENE

make sure to follow @EvilMopacATX's annotated screen cap thread to see that I am simply not making any of this up

https://twitter.com/EvilMopacATX/status/1219710016434966530

@EvilMopacATX Key plot line 2: EMS medic Liv Tyler, who can save any life with her tube-sticking prowess, is trying to solve the mystery of her disappeared sister. She resorts to her only hope, a beautiful Santeria voodoo witch/priestess on Dirty 6th Street

@EvilMopacATX spoiler alert: after a careful consultation with her spooky rainbow voodoo candelabra, the witch tells Liv Tyler if she wants to find her sister she must burn a $100 bill then take a warm bath with 12 special herbs & spices. Her skepticism of course succumbs to voodoo logic

@EvilMopacATX spoiler alert: the climactic voodoo herbal bath scene is tamer than a 1976 Calgon commercial, and no naughty bits of Liv Tyler are revealed. The episode does however have a couple of steamy makeout scenes between Rob Lowe's recovering tweaker son & his new firehouse boyfriend

@EvilMopacATX Sadly, oxy fiend Rob Lowe Jr. and his new firefighter beau have a tiff over midnight dinner at his $2 million apartment, over how clingy the beau is, or maybe why they look like exactly the same person, so that relationship is over.... for now

@EvilMopacATX The key emergency call taken in the episode is a reported backyard fire, and boy howdy is that scene a doozy. They arrive at the house of an unctuous redneck lady ranting about a fire in the immigrant neighbor's yard, and yes you know where this whole thing is going

@EvilMopacATX "that's just barbacoa," explain Austin's Intersectional Emergency SuperTeam from Around The World. "it is the cooking style of Latino culture!"

Xenophobic redneck lady is confused, as she is the first Texan in history unfamiliar with Mexican food or BBQ

@EvilMopacATX Rob Lowe orders the arrest of racist redneck lady, which prompts her to feign a heart attack - only to refuse treatment by Muslim woman, gay Rob Lowe Jr, Trans Dude of Color, etc.

she says she will accept treatment by Rob Lowe or PTSD Redneck, who refuse in team solidarity

@EvilMopacATX "OK, then just arrest me!" screeches the now-exposed symbol of Austin's famed intolerance and hatred of Mexican food

@EvilMopacATX I hope this show is never, ever, ever cancelled, it has become my soul food

@EvilMopacATX How the hell did I forget the big explosion scene in episode 2? The team is called to a seedy apartment for a gas leak, and are unable to evacuate wacky conspiracy guy, until Rob Lowe cleverly tells him he is with "the resistance" and lures him to safety before the big KABLAMMO

@EvilMopacATX I guess there is an opening scene involving a lunch sandwich delivery dude poisoning a Tech Bro office's sandwiches with mercury because they never tip, but I missed most of it. I apologize for my lack of DVR vigilance