One of the reasons why we as a culture regard apologies as a sign of weakness is because that's how they're taught to us: not as acts of genuine remorse but of submission to someone else.
"Tell that man you're sorry right now!"
"Tell that man you're sorry right now!"
We take that with us through life, that telling someone else you're sorry is in effect having your arm twisted behind your back, being broken and bent before another person.
We don't learn remorse, or regret. We aren't taught empathy. We're taught to submit.
We don't learn remorse, or regret. We aren't taught empathy. We're taught to submit.
And the lesson goes both ways: when someone is forced to apologize to you like that, you don't feel their need to make amends. You see them being brought low and forced down by someone more powerful.
True apologies are buried under this miscommunicated message.
True apologies are buried under this miscommunicated message.
It's hard to get kids to grasp empathy. It's difficult to make them aware of other people's feelings.
It's so much easier for the sake of polite society to force them to mouth the words of apology, which we trade as a kind of social currency. It's not about healing anything.
It's so much easier for the sake of polite society to force them to mouth the words of apology, which we trade as a kind of social currency. It's not about healing anything.
Even now as an adult, when you know you should apologize you also know you'll be regarded as weak, as the one who "lost." It instills in us a fear of humiliation and a need to protect ourselves.
It's a nasty piece of psychic damage we carry all our lives.
It's a nasty piece of psychic damage we carry all our lives.
