Tote-al Panic
Dom’s prized ‘Vote Leave’ tote went missing last week, totally vanished from its usual peg in the hall. D was beside himself. The way he carried on you would have thought that damn tote was an extra limb…
#VoteLeaveBrokeTheLaw
Dom’s prized ‘Vote Leave’ tote went missing last week, totally vanished from its usual peg in the hall. D was beside himself. The way he carried on you would have thought that damn tote was an extra limb…
#VoteLeaveBrokeTheLaw
‘I’m sure it’s around somewhere,’ I said, looking in the cupboard under the stairs. Montserrat the daily, lip quivering, finally unburdens herself. She borrowed it the other day to carry some cans to the recycling point down the road...
After emptying it, she put it aside and forgot about it. Distracted by worries about her son, the deputy manager of that hotel in Tenerife stricken by the virus. He had to deal with the unrest of various English ‘malhumorado jamóns’ held in quarantine...
Later, Sabisky (wearing ‘Sun God’ ski goggles newly purchased from Amazon) is on his way out to buy more lavatory paper, so I ask him to check the recycling point on his way back from the Continental VG...
He returns with two nine roll packs of ‘Quilted Northern’ a brand I’m not familiar with. No sign of tote, though. Dom mopes in his study. I am trying to concentrate on R.Liddle’s latest piece re #IWD2020 (have been asked to surgically remove some ‘jokes’)...
Suddenly feeling in need of fresh air, I go out for a stroll in the park and come across an old tramp rifling through one of the bins. He has quite a collection of plastic carrier bags inc one entitled, ‘Dubai Duty Free’...
From his shoulder dangles a tote with that unmistakable warped box logo in red.
‘How much for the tote?’
‘Eh?’
I take out a brand new Turner note and wave it under his nose. Then another...and another.
He looks at me as if I’m mad. I probably am.
‘How much for the tote?’
‘Eh?’
I take out a brand new Turner note and wave it under his nose. Then another...and another.
He looks at me as if I’m mad. I probably am.
I return with the tote. I’m sure it’s Dom’s---the tramp must have picked it up from the recycling place. Doesn’t look any the worse for wear, still mucky, limp and disgusting-looking with bits of fluff deep down in the corners...
Dom is delighted to be re-united with his 'lucky' tote. It's a rare item, as the factory in China mysteriously burnt down in 2016.
I don’t mention the tramp’s brief custody of it.
£60 well spent. Make myself a Bloody Mary to celebrate. #panicbuyinguk
I don’t mention the tramp’s brief custody of it.
£60 well spent. Make myself a Bloody Mary to celebrate. #panicbuyinguk
