Thread by @pptsapper

The following is a summary of how Civil War generals would attack COVID-19

We begin with: Thomas J Jackson, who would attempt to outflank the virus while court martialing anyone who attempted self isolation

He would obviously die from wandering into the virus area

Now, Braxton Bragg would argue with the virus, try to attack it, retreat, say that he was advancing, lose his way, blame his subordinates, attack the health industry, and then blame them for losing to the virus

William T Sherman would spot the virus, order everyone into isolation, but the order everyone to outflank the virus by cutting off from their base of supplies, including TP, ordering people to forage TP in the wilderness. War is all hell, of course, not all clean butts

George McClellan would organize an incredible team of doctors, nurses, all the masks and ventilators, promise that the virus didn't stand a chance, give a long speech, and then never actually do anything

He'd have the virus contained but argue it was surrounding him & run away

US Grant would forget to order ventilators and masks, but would attack the virus relentlessly, pulling even dentists and chiropractors into the ranks to fight the virus

Sure, lots of people would die but the virus would too

Judson Kilpatrick would literally just throw people at the virus, with zero equipment, no training, and then laugh as people died from it, and keep getting promoted

Joshua Chamberlain would obviously charge the virus with bayonets

Guys, no, he was also a professor

He'd talk at it for a while, too

And write some books about it

But also trust the medical professionals to take care of it

Robert E Lee would split his forces against the virus, invade it, fail dramatically, then fall back repeatedly until the virus forced him to surrender

In the end he'd say he was just fighting for virus rights

Phil Sheridan would attack the virus, forget he was in war, and then rush back to the battle at the very last minute to rally his doctors and nurses to defeat the virus, and then get really angry when anyone called him short

George H Thomas would build up a coalition of health professionals, equip everyone fully, and then move like an inexorable tide against the virus, crushing it like a hammer against a rock

We... Could use a George Thomas right now

Joe Hooker would design a great plan to defeat the virus, then get it himself, refuse to give up command, and then retreat before the virus even advanced

He'd later do well fighting the virus under someone else's command

John Sedgwick would proclaim that the virus couldn't harm an elephant at this distance before the virus killed him for not self isolating

JEB Stuart would ride around the virus three times, forget to actually track the spread of the virus, it would surprise him, and then he'd eventually get his ass kicked by it

John Bell Hood would attack the virus head-on, over and over - and then wonder why all his troops were dead