Along these lines, while we're all stuck in our houses, here are some fun ways to pretend you're on a submarine while at home:
1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Every 2 hours after you go to sleep, have someone whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble "Sorry, wrong rack", or "Sign this!"
2. Don't eat any food that you don't either get out of a can or have to add water to.
3. Spend as much time as possible indoors and avoid sunlight. Hang out in such areas as dark theaters, windowless buildings, closets, etc.
4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level. When you shower, make sure you shut off the water while soaping. Squeegee and wipe it all down when done.
5. Repeat back everything anyone says to you. Repeat back everything anyone says to you.
6. Sit in front of your TV set with the antenna disconnected and watch for 6 hours. Report any unusual static patterns.
7. Put motor oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to "High".
8. Don't watch streaming TV. Instead, set up a DVD player and only watch movies that you don't like.
9. Announce "Commence Snorkeling!” Then start up your lawnmower in your living room and run it for at least 1 hour. Periodically hold your nose and mouth shut and try to blow out your eardrums.
10. Have a family member give you a haircut. 
11. Get a clipboard, paper, and a leaky black ink pen, then take hourly readings on your electric and gas meters.
12. Sleep with your dirty laundry at your feet.
13. Get some broken exercise equipment and mount it to the floor in your kitchen.
14. Store up all garbage for a week in your bathtub. Compact and dispose of it once a week.
15. Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. (Optional: Break out a huge can of ravioli or cold soup)
16. Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without reference to what is actually in your food cabinets or refrigerator.
17. Set the alarm clock to go off at a random time at night.
When it goes off, announce “fire in the garage!”
Jump out of bed & dress as fast as you can.
Run into your garage & break out the garden hose.
Since wasn't really a fire & everyone is up anyway, clean the house.
When it goes off, announce “fire in the garage!”
Jump out of bed & dress as fast as you can.
Run into your garage & break out the garden hose.
Since wasn't really a fire & everyone is up anyway, clean the house.
18. Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put them back together (just in case they were about to break).
19. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours before drinking.
20. Store your eggs in your garage for two months (lord let's hope this doesn't last that long) and then cook a dozen each morning.
21. Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.
22. Check your refrigerator compressor for "sound shorts".
23. Put a complicated lock on your basement door and wear the key on a lanyard around your neck.
24. Lock-wire the lugnuts on your car’s wheels.
25. When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan while it is baking. Then spread icing really thick on one side to level off the top.
26. Every so often, yell "Emergency Deep!" or "Torpedo in the Water!", then run into the kitchen/dining room, sweep all the pots/pans/dishes off the counter onto the floor.
27. Put on a pair of over-the-ear headphones, connected to nothing. Go & stand in front of your stove. Say (to nobody in particular) "Stove manned and ready". Stand there for 3-4 hours. Say (again to nobody in particular) “Stove Secured". Roll up headphones & put them away.
28. Make the kids learn the location and operation of every light switch, outlet, circuit breaker, valve, appliance, fire extinguisher etc in the house.
Don't let them watch any TV/movies/ipad until they can recite same from memory.
Don't let them watch any TV/movies/ipad until they can recite same from memory.
29. Every few years (again, let's REALLY hope not) cut a hole in your roof, hire some workers to remove all furniture, appliances, electrical wiring, pipes etc. to a storage warehouse. Go live in the neighbor’s garage for a year or so, then put it all back.
30. Buy all food in cases and line the floor of half the house with the food, a couple of layers deep. Eventually eat your way back down to the hardwood.
31. Spend 3-4 hours waxing the floor to perfection. Then, just before it’s dry, invite the whole family to walk across it. Then do it again.
32. Stand on your roof once every four days for six hours and don't let anyone in the house.
33. Use fresh milk for only two days after each trip to the grocery store, (which you go to once a month). Then, switch to powdered milk (a.k.a. Plastic Cow).
34. WINNER: buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls. Ensure one of these two rolls is wet at all times.
35. Post the Uniform Code of Military Justice on the wall across from your toilet for reading material.
36. Install a heat pump that blows directly on you while you are sleeping. Have the controls set so they will alternate between HOT and COLD in a matter of minutes, all night long.
37. Install a 70s-era multi-channel entertainment system over your bed that doesn't work and hasn’t for at least two decades.
There you go. Now go and have fun!
THE END.
THE END.
Disclaimer: I can claim credit for making up none of these, this is just a lightly-edited version of a list that's been going around for years.
