Thread by @_riqsha

I wanted to write a full piece on this but meanwhile here's a thread on how I've been horrible to women in the past. #MeToo #SoDoneChilling

Men, please read this. Especially if you believe feminism is a fad or if you think #NotAllMen is a valid point.

In college, I popped girls' bra straps in class, from behind. It was a laugh, and I used to tell people about it with barely hidden pride.

These girls were my friends. One day, one of them turned around and said, "What the fuck," angrily instead of laughing it off as usual.

I was ashamed and a little embarased. I didn't do it again.

My idea of flirting was to be pushy and lewd and I'm sure I made girls uncomfortable. I enjoyed my reputation of being a 'shameless flirt'.

I persistently asked a friend out. She'd said no multiple times. I didn't get the hint. Eventually I stopped.

I'm sure I made multiple other women uncomfortable. I'd ask them to meet me repeatedly and be nice only until they'd start backing off.

There were unwarranted and awkward touches that I knew made the other person uncomfortable. Later, I'd block it out. Didn't think about it.

One thing that made this easy was men around me condoning my behaviour. Either they were laughing off my actions as me being cheeky...

... or they'd say I was an asshole for how I spoke to girls but would be visibly impressed.

Other things were listening to pop music, characters in popular media like Barney Stinson (I had a PDF of 'The Bro Code' on my laptop) etc.

So you see, I know you're full of shit, because I WAS FULL OF SHIT!

When I focused on becoming more self aware, I realized that I just didn't acknowledge when I was doing these things.

But I knew deep down that it was wrong. I knew what I was doing. I was making choices, even if I was 'just' giving in to impulses.

It's hard to deal with that. The fact that you've done bad things. Been a bad person in many ways. But you can be better.

What matters is what you do RIGHT NOW. What you do next. Listen to the women around you. Help them feel safe.

After I became more honest and started listening more, I learned that so so many women in my lives have faced this stuff.

All. The. Time.

Being groped, followed, cat called.

And if they haven't been telling you about it, you know what one of the reasons could be?

Because you might not be safe to talk to.

You might be judgemental. You might blow it off as nothing. You might hold them responsible.

Work on listening. Validate other people's emotions. Hold the right people responsible.

Don't defend abusive people.

Here's something I wrote:

theladiesfinger.com/attitudes-sexu…

Other men listen to you. Sexist men rarely listen to women. Help women be heard. Call out sexism.

Read more. Women have countless experiences to share. They're not lying. This is all happening every moment of every day.

If you can't write about the things you've done wrong, talk about it in private. Start dealing, so that you can start helping.

It can be difficult. Just posting this makes me anxious. But I'm doing the BARE MINIMUM. We all should be speaking up a lot more.

It's not about feeling good about yourself. It's about doing what's right. That's all. We've let this go on for millenia.

Let's end it.