A few weeks ago, I drove by a freeway rest stop at night and even though I had to pee, I held it until I got home, two hours later, because from a young age I had been told that rest stops after dark weren't safe for women.
But, why? A thread.
1/
But, why? A thread.
1/
I have never known a woman who was attacked at a rest stop after dark. I was with my husband, who would have defended me, should something have happened. I was in Utah, in the middle of nowhere. The likelihood of anything happening was minute.
And yet, we kept driving.
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And yet, we kept driving.
2/
As we drove, I thought about why I was afraid. I thought of all of the things I'd been taught about staying safe in my female body, even though I'd never been attacked in the ways about which we were warned. And still, I was afraid and cautious.
3/
3/
I realized that women hold the collective fear of all women. It becomes part of us. When we hear another story, we make a mental checklist of things we won't do, so it won't happen to us. The fear is always present. Our entire lives are lived as fight or flight.
4/
4/
We put keys between our fingers. We cover our drinks. We park in well-lit areas. We gain weight. We gain muscle. We deflect stares and comments. Even in our most intimate moments—with people we trust,—we are on guard. Always, fight or flight.
5/
5/
I see the silent fear men are starting to carry over being exposed for things they have done or didn't know they were doing. I see men scrambling to defend themselves, learning defensive tactics. I see men being more gentle, more kind, more apologetic.
6/
6/
And I think, "Yes, finally, take on some of this fear. After 46 years in a female body on this earth, maybe I can relax."
7/
Fin.
7/
Fin.
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