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David Burge @iowahawkblog
, 19 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
Sister in-law visit now turning into a remake of 127 Hours. My only hope is to saw off my own ears
SIL: blihblahblabity blahblah blah blih blahblah
Me: uh hey why don't you guys go check out Taylor, it's got BBQ and antiques
SIL: oh that sounds great blahblah blah ok bye
<3 hours later>
SIL: blah blah <6 hr inventory report of every shop in Taylor TX>
I call my brother in-law "Thousand Yard Stare"
I swear to god she's like the product review server at Amazon gained sentience
The only family members who follow me on Twitter are laugh-sobbing because they know and share my pain
When not providing product reviews of every object she sees, SIL is recounting details of every previous vacation like Homer reciting the Iliad
Her epic whirlwind 2015 tour of Arizona outlet malls from Tucson to the Grand Canyon were particularly filled with suspense and intrigue
Did I mention the Le Carre novel that is her office org chart?
I guess Chatty the Sister In-Law now joins Smokey and Pockets in the Dave Character Universe
<looks at length of this thread> oh cripes I'm becoming my sister in-law aren't I
Unlike me, at least you people get a mute button
current status: choking back sobs as not to wake her up
I swear if any of you piss me off today I am going to record, transcribe, and post one of her actual filibusters
Oh lord she's awake now and pouring coffee... pray for my wretched soul Twitter
Hi this is Dave's consciousness, I'm floating blissfully above the room watching his corporeal body pretend to be answering email while sister in law is talking about her knee rehab or something
I'm really not sure what she's talking about now, the last word I remember was "ligaments"
Hello @DalaiLama, I'd like to report I've achieved some previously unknown state of consciousness
ommmm ommmm
Hi, this is Dave's wife. My brother and his wife left 10 minutes ago. I've tried elbowing him in the ribs but he just sits there in a trance chanting something. I think it's in Sanskrit. Please help, it's his turn to take out the trash & recycle
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All Nerds, Bow Before Your King
keep practicing, and some day hot Spanish girls will pay you to caress their locks with your sweet katana moves and Wolverine claws
Take it from ol' Dave: chicks will start paying attention if you give 'em a little peekaboo unbuttoned shirt action, especially the bottom buttons
Read 3 tweets
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Sonics, "Louie Louie" > original by Richard Berry. Both are classics in their own right, but the Sonics version is definitive and arguably the first headbanger record ever made
Richard Berry's original is a fine mid-tempo R&B shuffle...
...rediscovered by Tacoma WA band Rockin' Robin Roberts & the Wailers a few years later...
Read 4 tweets
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This is why you can't trust Wikipedia. Sure, I'm dead, but obviously my poetry is not "humorously bad"
my ghostly apparition remains floating in this mortal coil only to haunt the critics of my poetry
Someday, my doggerel will be universally proclaimed the finest works of art ever produced by a human being. Until then, I will remain in your timeline, eerily rattling my chains and dropping fart jokes
Read 5 tweets

Related threads

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🔹

He wakes up once again to an empty room. He looks for his phone which he finds at the dresser with his car key. His shoes neatly arranged next to the closet and curtains drawn.

He checks the bathroom but there is no sign of the younger.

Failing to have his call picked up,
he sends a text and starts to feel anxious.

Did Kyungsoo run away?

He opens the closet and finds their bags with their wallets inside. It means the other only has his phone with him.

And he's not answering any calls and texts.

He's seriously getting worried.
If before, he could contact his cousin and ask of his whereabouts, right now he doesn't have anyone to turn to.

Just then the door opens, revealing a drenched Kyungsoo. The younger just stands there, at the doorway with a bashful smile.

"What happened to you? Why are you wet?"
Read 929 tweets
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THE WATCHMAN

[...] "The watchman’s task has always been a thankless one.
"There are treacherous fifth column elements, who are really working for the #defeat of the #nation, at the hands of its enemies.
"These subversive elements readily gain and hold the #public’s ear, because they soothingly tell the people what they want to hear. Go back to sleep, no danger can come, and there is nothing you can do.
Read 134 tweets
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💪A thread on amazing Twitter threads 😍👇
In the process of revamping my #Twitter profile (dormant earlier), I have come to appreciate the wonderful underutilized platform it is!
Some threads contain crisp knowledge capsules that can help many. Starting 1 on such curated content
1. I largely rely on this: threadreaderapp.com to find content
2. What I wish to share is what coincides largely with my interests- #Learning, #Investing, #Behavioralpsychology (#mentalmodels, #bias, etc), #Businessbooks, Industry insights/case studies, Life experiences, etc
3/n
 While it will be difficult to structure the order of content here, I will try to block threads by category (as noted above & more). Feel free to comment with any good thread that you would have come across. Cumulative learning always helps.
#vicariouslearning
Read 37 tweets
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Okay, I'm approaching 10k followers. So I'm going to draw a picture of anyone who retweets this.
Here you go @jmolas42
Here you go @bubblenoma - I don’t know which one you are here, so drew all three.
Read 103 tweets
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*former Jared's employee cackles hysterically into the distance, tickled utterly pink*

Ahem. Diamonds have always been a fucking scam. Ask me if you want advice on BETTER STONES for your engagement ring. I knows rocks, my good dude.
IOLITE IS SO COOL. iolite is nearly as cool as alexandrite
Tigers eye is very cool! Have you seen a goddamn star sapphire? 😍😍😍😍 😍same kind of phenomenon!
Read 64 tweets
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"Hey how come all those guys we kicked out of multiple fandoms that they built from scratch are getting all fashy?"

Well, if you know any interests BESIDES Moldbug, Evola and White Nationalism that haven't been taken over by hostile SJWs, please let me know.
Because until you do, that's the new hobby of all those people you displaced.

That and carpentry (particularly construction of gallows), helicopter piloting, weightlifting and reading old books.
YOU TOLD US TO GET A LIFE AND GO OUTSIDE.

WE DID.

Probably should have specified something about not forming a reactionary uprising that will righteously murder every last one of you.

Hell of a thing to omit, guys 🤷‍♀️
Read 5 tweets

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