Sister in-law visit now turning into a remake of 127 Hours. My only hope is to saw off my own ears
SIL: blihblahblabity blahblah blah blih blahblah
Me: uh hey why don't you guys go check out Taylor, it's got BBQ and antiques
SIL: oh that sounds great blahblah blah ok bye
<3 hours later>
SIL: blah blah <6 hr inventory report of every shop in Taylor TX>
Me: uh hey why don't you guys go check out Taylor, it's got BBQ and antiques
SIL: oh that sounds great blahblah blah ok bye
<3 hours later>
SIL: blah blah <6 hr inventory report of every shop in Taylor TX>
I call my brother in-law "Thousand Yard Stare"
I swear to god she's like the product review server at Amazon gained sentience
The only family members who follow me on Twitter are laugh-sobbing because they know and share my pain
When not providing product reviews of every object she sees, SIL is recounting details of every previous vacation like Homer reciting the Iliad
Her epic whirlwind 2015 tour of Arizona outlet malls from Tucson to the Grand Canyon were particularly filled with suspense and intrigue
Did I mention the Le Carre novel that is her office org chart?
I guess Chatty the Sister In-Law now joins Smokey and Pockets in the Dave Character Universe
<looks at length of this thread> oh cripes I'm becoming my sister in-law aren't I
Unlike me, at least you people get a mute button
current status: choking back sobs as not to wake her up
I swear if any of you piss me off today I am going to record, transcribe, and post one of her actual filibusters
Oh lord she's awake now and pouring coffee... pray for my wretched soul Twitter
Hi this is Dave's consciousness, I'm floating blissfully above the room watching his corporeal body pretend to be answering email while sister in law is talking about her knee rehab or something
I'm really not sure what she's talking about now, the last word I remember was "ligaments"
Hello @DalaiLama, I'd like to report I've achieved some previously unknown state of consciousness
ommmm ommmm
Hi, this is Dave's wife. My brother and his wife left 10 minutes ago. I've tried elbowing him in the ribs but he just sits there in a trance chanting something. I think it's in Sanskrit. Please help, it's his turn to take out the trash & recycle
