Whenever I'm in an extended period of not writing I am always deeply, deeply mystified about how the hell to start again. Since I'm just now easing out of that period, here are notes to a future self who will need it:
1. Give yourself time. You know this part pretty well. The thing is, it's not just plonking down and beating yourself up mentally until the words squirt out. It's actually being generous with that time. And believing you deserve it.
This was a huge problem for me last year. I would tell myself 'write for two hours on Saturday' but because I had written in SO LONG, two hours was not enough. I couldn't lower it any further - nor could I be happy with the few sentences I managed in that time.
Sometimes two hours is not enough. Sometimes you do need to give yourself the expanse of entire day, or an entire afternoon. Sometimes, honestly, you can't afford that time - you have Something Else Important going on. (For me: grad school and day job.)
I spent a lot of energy fighting that reality and blaming myself for it. And in a way, it *was* a choice I was making, but the truth is: I couldn't do all three things well. I didn't have the time to write. It hurt a lot.
But I knew I didn't want to stop writing. I knew that grad school applications were temporary. So I told myself that when applications ended, I would give myself the time to write - enough time. And real, *free* time - not time overburdened with guilt.
I didn't know if it would work. But once I got through the application cycle, I told myself to make writing a priority. I would give my brain an ample amount of time to work on the words. And I had planned things carefully so that financially this would be possible for me.
I was HUGELY afraid that I would have giant blocks of time to write and that I would just not write. I was afraid I would sit down and nothing would come out, just like nothing came out every time I tried to give myself two hours the previous year.
But when I gave myself time - actual time, free time, time to play, time where I was conscious that writing would be my priority - it worked. I've been writing nearly every day for two weeks now. It feels pretty miraculous.
2. Lower the bar. You can go lower than that. Lower. You can go even lower. Think of it like this: what's the worst that could happen? You write a shitty sentence? Okay, well. You can fix that sentence in edits. You can kill that sentence entirely. Keep going.
Okay. So *now* you're worried about finishing something and it not being good enough to sell? Well...so what? So you don't sell it. So you try and try and it doesn't go anywhere. That's fine if you like the story. If reading it still makes you smirk, then it's worth *something*.
What's the worst that could happen, self? The worst is that you stop writing; that you waste this chance past-you set up so you could write. Not writing, in this scenario, is your bad outcome. Bad writing, unpublishable writing, is preferable.
Because right now? The goal isn't publishing. The goal isn't beautiful writing. The goal is that you REMEMBER HOW TO WRITE. You are so, so, so afraid of putting down words on the page, but you can't even remember why. YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THIS. You do. So do it.
Until you remember how to write, that you *can* write; until you recall the bonedeep satisfaction of getting words down: you have no other goal. The story can be fail/ridiculous/THE WORST. Get some words down. That's your priority right now.
3. Feed your brain. And - as much as you love watching dance practice videos and memes on YouTube, or reading hot-take articles and passively browsing stuff on Amazon - some of what you feed your brain with HAS to be story. Really.
Preferably prose. The best thing is reading fiction or fanfiction. Read those novels you've been putting off. Have ten tabs open and gobble up fiction. Sit on a park bench and read. You have to read again. You have to be stuffing your eyeballs with stories.
Not into the new stuff? Fine. Reread your favorite fanfic for the tenth time. Read some poetry. Whatever you need to, to start ingesting stories. Then you can expand to filling your brain with other things. Movies, anime, videogames. Stuff with narratives.
Once your brain is back in narrative-mode, you can start going pure visual. Go to museums and write stuff down. Walk in the park and contemplate trees. Get out for a bit. Fill your brain with random visual cues. They'll spark things in unexpected ways.
4. GET BACK-UP. HAVE CONVERSATIONS. Talk to some friends about the story you're working on. Tell them about all the stupid things in it that make you yell and hate things (but that also secretly make you go nyahaha, I'm writing again, it's silly but oh my god I'm *writing*).
They're your friends. The prose doesn't need to be there. Bleat about all the ways this story is ridiculous. Send snippets from your wip. Tell them where you are stuck because writing flirting scenes are the devil.
You don't have to go it alone. You don't have to nobly wander in the desert wondering how to get person across a table to deliver a meaningful embrace. You can ask Twitter. You can send a friend a crying emoji. It's fine. Lean on your community a bit.
Also? As good as you are at motivating yourself, and finishing stories entirely on your own, it's kinda fun and it does help to just have someone else be excited about it. Especially since you're so unsure. To have that reinforcement, especially for a wip, is huge.
Lastly, 5. Amuse yourself. Remember why you got into this in the first place? It wasn't about publishing. It wasn't even really about community, although that's since become a huge part of it. And it certainly wasn't about awards.
No, you started writing because you had a story to tell, and you knew that you were pro-bab-ly the best person to tell that specific story...in the way you'd want it to be told. You wanted to write that sentence and get away with it.
You wanted to write about a demon standing pale against the snow; sexy kappas; the urban legend of Ursula from your high school; magical girls who go to a strip club and bleed; Mebuyen and her thousand boobs; bishonen in space...
You've got all these silly ideas that you want to *read* in story forms. You like reading your stories. They amuse you, the sentences seem true to you, and of course - *of course* if they find awesome readers, that's an amazing reward. But you're a reader too.
If nothing else, you should be amused by your story. Like "Haha, I'm actually writing this! Whee!" That's where it started when you were doing mashup multiverse fanfic, age five. It's why you've written all this time. No need to be self-conscious. If it's for you, it's fine.
Other meanings have since gotten tacked onto it, of course. You care about representation, getting things right, pleasing your audience, etc etc. At this point in your career you do want to sell things. I'm not saying that stuff doesn't matter.
But right now, while you're trying to remember how to write, that stuff cannot be prioritized in any way. Instead: wrangle out the story in a way that will get it done, and make sure it's fun for you in the process. That's the core you're looking for, ultimately.
Appendix A: Practical Stuff, part 1
- timers are your friend
- word goals aren't necessarily your enemy
- go to a cafe, dude, you're very productive in cafes
- something is better than nothing
- you're always going to be distracted it's fine just get to work
- timers are your friend
- word goals aren't necessarily your enemy
- go to a cafe, dude, you're very productive in cafes
- something is better than nothing
- you're always going to be distracted it's fine just get to work
Appendix B: Practical Stuff, part 2
- STOP CHECKING TWITTER. get the words done first
- if you're serious about it the words *will* come out
- can't push this story along? open up your scraps document and just get some words down, you'll feel better
- copy some A+ prose by hand
- STOP CHECKING TWITTER. get the words done first
- if you're serious about it the words *will* come out
- can't push this story along? open up your scraps document and just get some words down, you'll feel better
- copy some A+ prose by hand
*pant pant heave heave*
All right, self. This was past you giving you the kick in the ass and the tough love you needed. You'll get it back, dear. You really will. Be patient, clear-eyed, and determined. The words have never left you. They're there. Just start: you'll find them.
All right, self. This was past you giving you the kick in the ass and the tough love you needed. You'll get it back, dear. You really will. Be patient, clear-eyed, and determined. The words have never left you. They're there. Just start: you'll find them.
Also it's my first time ever doing this, but since I'm currently freelancing for a few months before grad school: if you'd like to leave a tip/buy me a coffee, it would be much appreciated! 😀☕️ ko-fi.com/visyap
P.S. If this was helpful you may also want to check out this ol' thread:
