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Kaia Sønderby @KaiaSonderby
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Who's ready for a trash fire? #HellMother
Autism Uncensored is a pretty ironic name when you consider what I'm likely to say about this heap.

Though I'd like to take a moment to shout out to whatever drunken baboon formatted this thing. It looks like ass on my kindle. #HellMother
Also I want to make it clear that this ENTIRE THREAD carries with it a trigger warning, big time. Feel free to blacklist the hashtag #HellMother if you don't want this coming across your TL.

With that said, let's get started.
Even if I hadn't read #HellMother 's article, the fact that this opens with a flashback and a pretentious quote about wisdom attributed to Confucius would be enough to make me worry.
We open with poor Zack stuck on a plane in mid-flight, utterly terrified and desperate to escape.

Rather than taking time to comfort their son, #HellMother and her husband (henceforth known as Keith) are taking potshots at each other.
Keith doesn't want to do this again. Honestly I don't think he wanted to do it at all, but #HellMother insisted. She NEEDS this.
I bring this up because of how it well it illustrates what kind of person #HellMother is, as her response to her husband is:

"No, of course we won't do this again! We'll just keep him locked away at home his whole life and never go anywhere!"
It's passive-aggressive and manipulative behavior. She's trying to guilt trip her husband, who by his own words recognizes that this is "all about you, your need to make him do this."

In his wisdom Keith calls it selfish and wrong, and I can only agree.
Look, #HellMother, it's not your autistic son that's hurting your marriage. It's your self, abusive behavior.

My husband doesn't even WORK forty hours a week. Christ on a bike, no wonder this poor kid is terrified of everything. He doesn't get to have a life. #HellMother
She is physically wrestling her child to the floor and restraining him, and then calls the non-response from other passengers compassionate.

There is nothing compassionate about ignoring child abuse! #HellMother
"I should have explained the experience of flight and temporary hiatus from the ground below, but maybe it's not too late."

The plane is in the air, #HellMother. It is way too fucking late.

Um...#HellMother write this long, detailed description of how she holds him and touches him basically everywhere and insists this calms him.

But the way she describes him as "whimpering" and "dazed" sounds more like shutdown to me.

Also I'm just really uncomfortable with this
touching thing. The sheer thoroughness of it is just...invasive. A lot of autistics don't care to be touched, and even those who aren't completely touch-averse prefer not to be under certain circumstances. #HellMother
"We will do it a hundred more times until he gets it right."

Translation: I'll keep putting my child through this terror until he handles it the way I dictate he should, because what he wants doesn't matter to me.

What I now realize is the next chapter is titled Ugly Truth. It starts like this:

I utter what you would not dare think. -- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I mean what can you even say in the face of such pretension?
#HellMother goes on to basically excuse herself and the awful things she's going to write by insisting the only way she had something new to say on the subject is to be "unflinchingly honest".

This means using terms like "toll of autism", "brutality of autism", etc.
"People with autism, and those who care for them, are so precious and worthy that their lives must be lived without regard to the uninformed opinions or fears of others who have not walked in their shoes."

The irony of this is making me try to do the owl thing. #HellMother
"Autism is not easy; to pretend otherwise would betray what I and so many others experience on a daily basis."

You do not experience autism, #HellMother. You experience the results of your abuse of your autistic child. You CANNOT experience autism as you are not autistic.
She strait up ADMITS she doesn't think her son can consent to have his story told, then quickly excusing herself for doing it anyway because she thinks he's some shining example of "progress in the often inscrutable world of autism."

But it's okay cause in her heart she's sure he'd approve. #HellMother doesn't even know how to communicate with him, but she's sure he'd be okay with this.
(It's really not that inscrutable. We are easily overstimulated by sensory experiences and experience meltdowns or shutdowns in response. Ways to counter this include giving us a stim toy or something else distracting, or not forcing into such things. #HellMother)
#HellMother, children spin senselessly in circles. All children. Autistic, allistic, they all do it.

Why should it matter if a toddler doesn't do exactly the right things in gym or music class? (WHY IS HER TODDLER IN GYM AND MUSIC CLASSES?)
Your toddler should be allowed to be a fucking toddler. It doesn't matter why he does things; HE doesn't know why he does things.

At this stage of life your toddler is not even as clever as a cockatoo. Stop putting shit on him that isn't there to begin with. #HellMother
"And so for me, parenting became an assault filled with relentless daily examples of all the ways my son was different; there was little joy, just a pervasive and haunting sense of otherness."

You evil, evil woman. A child does NOT need to be verbal for there to be joy. No child should have to live up to a standard of "normal" to make you a happy parent.

If your child did not bring you joy, it was because you REFUSED to see him as human. #HellMother
"He was special in a bad way."

"He just yelps and screams in repetitious fits for no reason."

There was a reason. THERE IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS A REASON, you vile cesspit dwelling shit weasel. WE ALWAYS HAVE A REASON. #HellMother
I am reminded of when I was younger and my mom would comb my hair. I never like to comb it myself so it was usually a rat's nest, especially since my hair tangled easily.

I would stomp and yelp and pull away because it hurt like hell. But my mom was convinced I was just
being melodramatic and it wasn't that bad.

But you know what? I still hate combing my hair, because it tangles up and it hurts like hell to try to get them out. My scalp is just really sensitive, but she would rather believe I was throwing a tantrum.

Sound familiar? #HellMother

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Ahem. Sorry. I just needed a few quality moments with my squishy. Moving right along.

"Friends had no idea how much I had grown to despise their children, simply because they were normal."

I hope that if they'd known, they would've stopped being your friend. #HellMother
She lectures young children about autism, which is a little bit like a mole trying to lecture hatchlings on how to fly. Oh and of course she assures them it isn't contagious. #HellMother
"But indeed it is, spreading insidiously from child to parent so that like my son, I too experienced isolation, alienation, and the most profound loneliness I have ever known."

You brought that on yourself, #HellMother. You refused to see you child as human.
You don't actually know that he experienced an kind of isolation or loneliness. You assumed what he felt based on what you consider "normal" instead of considering that maybe, just maybe, he was satisfied with HIS normal.

That's on you, #HellMother
She's talking about her divorce, but I honestly don't care. I'm so weary of the idea that autistic children lead to divorce and financial issues, etc.

What I need instead is for doctors to stop recommending these expensive and generally abusive therapies. #HellMother
Doctors are so ignorant about autism and thus the fill parents with hopeless, telling them that their child needs hours and hours of expensive therapy and even then, parents shouldn't expect too much.

That's a bunch of lies, and if parents would only listen to us, they'd know.

"I physically forced him into public situations that I had once fled at the first sound of his screams. I set higher standards for him than I thought he could reach."

My heart breaks for Zack. He was forced into a life of terror because #HellMother hated who he was.
God, the words she uses. "False hope." "Entrapment." "Unrecovered."

There is no cure for autism. There is only how you interact with your child, the effort you make to understand the world from their point of view. If you are not prepared for a child to act in ways you did not
anticipate before you had them, you simply shouldn't have children. They're people, individuals. Even without autism, they are not going to be little 3D printings of all your expectations.

If that's what you want, you will never find joy in your child. #HellMother
"Today my beloved son is still very much autistic, and I know he always will be."

Well, yes. That's how it works. Even if he became more verbal, he would still be autistic. It doesn't go away. It's part and parcel of who he is. #HellMother
"Autism Uncensored is the antidote to the recent swell of mainstream efforts to depict autism in movies and television."

She literally wrote this book hoping to destroy any and all progress we've made in the fight against ignorance in the autism narrative. #HellMother
She doesn't want us depicted as doctors or heroes, to have romance or friendships in media.

She is so firmly entrenched in her hatred of autism that she would write a book that will stifle ANY chance any of us have at being happy because it doesn't fit HER beliefs. #HellMother
All these claims that she's not writing this as advice on how to handle your autistic child and suchlike--but people WILL. They will, and that means more of us abused by the people we should be able to trust.

It's done. At long last, my ordeal is over. I've finished this damn book, even though it took me ages. There will be a review as well (more on that later).

Thanks to everyone who kept my spirits up through this hell and have followed along. I couldn't have done it alone.
If you'd like to support my work, you can find some links to do so here:

And know that I am never, ever going to stop fighting for us, for our voices and for our lives.
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