***LEGALLY BLONDE LIVE-TWEET: THE RULES***
This lecture explores the cinematic classic 'Legally Blonde' through the lens of English and Welsh law.
Contributions and observations are welcome, but I'm perfectly prepared to tweet the entire film to a wall of embarrassed silence.
This lecture explores the cinematic classic 'Legally Blonde' through the lens of English and Welsh law.
Contributions and observations are welcome, but I'm perfectly prepared to tweet the entire film to a wall of embarrassed silence.
This paper considers, inter alia, how the stirring journey of Elle Woods might have been different had she and her cohorts been practising English law and subject to the jurisdiction of the Bar Council of England and Wales.
I bear in mind the words of a particularly angry client: "You're not an American, so stop pretending to be one." While neither he nor the jury who convicted him knew what they were talking about (my accent is tip top), I shall admit up front I do not know American law.
With those disclaimers firmly established, we shall reconvene at 8pm sharp. Or possibly a couple of minutes after depending on when the pizza is ready.
DVD is in. WHERE IS THE PIZZA???? We may have to start without. This is untenable.
Where is the pizza slice???
Yknow, the wheel slicing thing. It’s not in the drawer where I left it. Where the heck is it? Who moved it? Who would do this? Tonight of all nights??
WE HAVE LIFT OFF! Elle is brushing her hair. I have nothing to say law-related at this juncture.
God they all look sickeningly young and vibrant.
It's a while since I've seen it, but I have a fear that Elle's excitement at the imminent marriage proposal may not be realised. Now Elle's in a shop giving sass to the assistant. Still no law, but good sass.
Break-up in the restaurant. Uh oh. Elle's on the verge of a section 5 Public Order Act offence (disorderly behaviour causing harassment, alarm or distress).
Incidentally, Henry VIII (or whatever his name is) wants to be a senator "before I'm 30". With all due respect to the casting director, I think that ship sailed four years ago.
EPIPHANY: Elle realises that becoming a law student is the way to greatness. "Law school is a perfectly respectable place, daddy". Daddy opines that law school is for "people who are boring and ugly and serious." I'm not warming to Daddy.
In fairness, the Admissions Video is just marvellous. I can't fault it. I would genuinely interview an applicant who sent it.
However, Elle has not yet addressed the issue of funding. Nor has she, I fear, properly been advised of the chances of securing pupillage/training contract post-law school. She could be one of the 4 in 5 who undertake the Bar Course and don't make it. Food for thought.
Going back to the video, it emphasises, as I said in an earlier blogpost, the importance of having something on your CV that stands you out in the interviewer's memory. We can't all dance with Ricky Martin. But we can try.
Class of TWO THOUSAND AND FOUR??? Christ. *Pours large drink*
David Kidney (if I've heard his name correctly) actually exists in every law school. This is razor sharp accuracy. I'm serious.
See?
First law lecture. Now we're in business. David Kidney is gambling his life on Aristotlean proverbs. The teacher's toying with him. He's being made to look a right mug.
I have so much love for Elle not doing her first assignment for her first ever law seminar. This was me. I did however have extenuating circumstances (I was very hungover) and I was not forced to leave class.
Also in my very first class, the boy next to me answered a question that I didn't know the answer to. The tutor didn't hear him, so I repeated his answer, and took full credit and got a prize. In my head, this was a much cuter anecdote than it appears written down.
KLAXON: JENNIFER COOLIDGE IS IN THE HOUSE. I REPEAT, STIFFLER'S MOM IS IN THE HOUSE. Or in a salon, to be precise.
In my reminiscence over my 18-year-old malfeasance, I omitted to mention Selma Blair. Hello, Selma. She has just reminded me that in Cruel Intentions she was 30, and I remember being 16 and thinking how old 30 was, and now I want to beat my 16-year old self with a slipper.
Ah, malum prohibitum or mala in se. Bit of a strange question, if you ask me. "What client would you prefer?" We don't get to choose. Cab rank rule applies, as this so-called "law lecturer" should know.
These other students are so relentlessly mean to Elle. I think that so far she's coping remarkably well. Being nice, as my other half has just reminded me, is a vastly underrated quality. Elle has that in spades. Well done Elle.
OH SNAP! "When I dress like a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated." Blair had that coming.
Hmm. I'm not an American lawyer, but that answer that Elle gave mid-montage on how to issue a civil claim doesn't sound right to me. Plus, it seems v early on in the course to be learning procedure. Over here, it's law first, procedure second. I hope Harvard knows what it's doing
Elle's first legal submissions! "Subject matter jurisdiction. Habeas corpus. Common law marriage. Heretofor. Equitable division of assets. Canine property ownership." I'm only a criminal hack, but that all sounds legit to me.
As impressed as the Idiot Tutor was with Elle's sperm "reckless abandonment" bon mot, I'm not convinced it stands up to scrutiny.
First year interns to help with an ACTUAL ONGOING MURDER TRIAL. Idiot Tutor has surpassed himself. He's supposedly a practising lawyer, and he invites first-year students to help him as a cost cutting measure. No-one tell the MoJ. It'll give them ideas.
Why are there no other lawyers working on this case? Seriously? It's a murder trial, and this poor woman has a part-time Idiot Tutor who doesn't even know the cab-rank rule and a gaggle of teenagers. I am so cross on this poor defendant's behalf.
Bend And Snap Time! It's Bend And Snap Time!
No way is Elle getting a loofah - or indeed any of the contents of that hamper - through prison security. G4S will have those off you before you can even bend and snap.
Elle taking instructions from the client and refusing to disclose them to her colleagues raises interesting questions of legal privilege and client confidentiality. I welcome comments if I'm wrong, but my feeling is that Elle might be compromised.
So Idiot Tutor has sent Elle to interview a potential key defence witness. This is quite an important task. It's not one I'd leave to a mini-pupil. Idiot Tutor strikes again. If they win this case, it will be very much in spite of his efforts.
Elle and Blair are now bonding over Elle's dubious ethics in failing to firmly advise her client of the necessity of disclosing her alibi. Blair thinks this is great. They're both laughing. They won't be laughing when Ryan Phillippe goes over that car bonnet.
COURT SCENE
Badgering the gardener over his sexual history. Not pleasant. He is not the complainant in a sexual allegation so s.41 YCJEA 1999 does not apply, but I don't care for counsel's style. I appreciate she has a job to do, but her tone is quite brusque.
Badgering the gardener over his sexual history. Not pleasant. He is not the complainant in a sexual allegation so s.41 YCJEA 1999 does not apply, but I don't care for counsel's style. I appreciate she has a job to do, but her tone is quite brusque.
The key prosecution witness, pool boy, bumped into Elle in the public foyer. This should not happen. He should be in the witness suite with the nice volunteers from the Witness Service. Elle should have ignored him. This could jeopardise everything.
Does this legal researcher chap have rights of audience? We'll put to one side the badgering of the witness over his sexuality - I don't think he's even got the right to put questions. I'd certainly ask to see his practising certificate if I were the judge.
Idiot Tutor is referring to "the guys on his payroll". If he has employed lawyers, where the hell are they on this murder trial? The man is such an idiot.
Oh, and a pervert. I forgot about that. Well done Elle. He's lucky she doesn't call the police. Sexual assault (s.3 Sexual Offences Act 2003).
This is a relief:
On the subject of Idiot Pervert Tutor and his part-time practice, this seems common in American TV (see e.g. How To Get Away With Murder), but I query how likely he would be to juggle a murder trial on the side of a teaching career. Murder trials are quite involved.
Ah, clearly the Defendant agrees. She's fired IPT and has hired...Elle! Wonderful, unqualified, no-rights-of-audience Elle, with a Kidney to help. And Kidney has quoted some law which apparently remedies this fairly fundamental problem. Yay for Kidney!
Just FYI, there's no equivalent magic law here. If a law student tries to exercise rights of audience in a Crown Court, they are committing a criminal offence (s.14 Legal Services Act 2007) punishable with up to 2 years' imprisonment.
This is excellent. Thanks to @RedHeadedGirl for co-piloting this part.
Considering that so far Harvard has not provided Elle with a single advocacy class, she is very good indeed. Advocacy is far harder than it looks. While the strutting across the courtroom is a little gauche, her cross-examination is *fierce*. Brava.
And she's won! She didn't let the witness answer any of the questions in the last burst of cross-examination, but Elle cracked the case! The witness confessed to the murder! This never happens! But, let's say it had, the judge would not have remanded the witness.
The police would have arrested the witness, and taken them into custody where they would be interviewed under caution with a solicitor present. It's all a little more plodding. But I can see why the judge got excited. That was a very good performance by Elle and The Kidney.
The judge also forgot to direct the jury to return a verdict of not guilty. So technically Elle's client is still charged with murder. And the jury could, until they are discharged, return a guilty verdict. That would be embarrassing.
Now we're two years on! We've skipped the rest of Elle's time at Harvard. This makes me a little sad. Although her speech is lovely. And she's engaged! There's a lot of happiness squeezed into this final scene.
I've just been reminded that Elle's speech was supposedly plagiarised by President Pervert. Ha. telegraph.co.uk/films/2017/05/…
AND THAT'S IT! It's over! That went much quicker than I expected, although probably felt a lot longer to anyone still reading.
Thank you for joining me for this splendid evening.
In the words of a lawyer far more accomplished than I:
We did it!
Have a good night all X
Thank you for joining me for this splendid evening.
In the words of a lawyer far more accomplished than I:
We did it!
Have a good night all X
