It is not uncommon for people to question the motivations behind a victim's telling of a #metoo story, especially if the accused is highly revered. What's forgotten is the number of motivations for NOT telling that a victim has to overcome in order to come forward. Here are 11:
1. A major reason for remaining silent is the victim’s belief that the credibility of his or her story will be challenged. This is especially true if the story threatens the reputation of powerful and respected people.
2. A victim may feel a duty to remain loyal to a person or organization. Releasing disruptive information about the person or organization opens the victim up to accusations of betrayal. The victim is then made to feel that her actions have caused great damage.
3. In contexts where the accused is considered an important contributor to a shared belief system or cause, victim’s may be blasted for damaging the religion or cause by giving a reason for outsiders to look upon the belief system with suspicion.
4. The fear of being blamed can easily outweigh the motivation to tell. Too many are tragically made to believe their abuse was self-inflicted, either through their attire, attractiveness, assertive personality, or simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
5. The telling of your story requires tremendous courage to be vulnerable because you do not know what others will do with it. Some may make you feel ashamed for your involvement. Others may distance themselves from you simply because they lack emotional maturity.
6. If the abuse took place years ago, victims and their advocates may feel they were complicit by delaying a report. This delay causes others to view them with suspicion. People ask, “Why now?"
7. Some may fear being condemned for not following procedures designed to keep matters internal. Many would rather the victim shout at the wolf from inside the belly of the wolf then warn others about the wolf.
8. Victims and advocates may suffer relational loss. Friends and family may abandon them over the perceived betrayal.
9. Knowing they could be accused of slander and defamation, victims may fear financial loss through lawsuits or loss of a job or future opportunities.
9. Knowing they could be accused of slander and defamation, victims may fear financial loss through lawsuits or loss of a job or future opportunities.
10. Victims and advocates risk losing their reputation, especially if the accused is highly revered and loved.
11. In some cases, victims are intimidated through threats against their safety. Fear of physical harm is a strong (and sometimes necessary) deterrent to telling.
11. In some cases, victims are intimidated through threats against their safety. Fear of physical harm is a strong (and sometimes necessary) deterrent to telling.
These barriers place a great deal of stress on victims. They also produce despair. Victims begin believing that telling won’t accomplish anything.
It is not unusual for a victim to retract his or her story when met with these silencing influences.
It is not unusual for a victim to retract his or her story when met with these silencing influences.
Because of these barriers, false accusations are rare and are highly influenced by the following:
1. Escape responsibility for behavior (alibi)
2. Material gain (embezzlement)
3. Emotional gain (sympathy or attention);
4. Mental disturbance (hallucinations)
5. Revenge
1. Escape responsibility for behavior (alibi)
2. Material gain (embezzlement)
3. Emotional gain (sympathy or attention);
4. Mental disturbance (hallucinations)
5. Revenge
