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The Every Single Mention Reader @shockproofbeats
, 4 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
Hey! Newbies! Do make yourselves at home, as it happens I do have a soundcloud but I'd rather link you to some other stuff I've done on this here place.

Like this tale of MY DAD AND MY TEN BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND ME.

There's also this tale of MY DAD, CHRISTMAS, AND THE WORLD'S BIGGEST COLLECTION OF VHS TAPES
And my previous life SENDING DOZENS OF LETTERS TO THE METRO'S RUSH HOUR CRUSH

I also co-present @TheReducerPod with @gcooney93, a podcast about the best (but mostly worst) football-related books, tv, music and film in the world. reducer.libsyn.com
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More from @shockproofbeats see all

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Anyone else beginning to resent how much your baby loves his singing toy penguin more than he loves you? Or are you all perfectly fine with him staring at you you like you're a puddle of dog sick, but greeting Pingie like he's a beautiful son, returned from war.
I've given up. I'm officially on strike. Pingie is his dad now. Yes, he has a cool mask and flippers but good luck getting a feed out of him, you little Judas.
We get it. You have a cool mask. We all know you have a cool mask. You never give over about your cool mask. Self praise is no praise, my G.
Read 5 tweets
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Just spent ~90 seconds explaining the "2:30 Dentist appointment" joke over the phone to a dentist ***who had just assigned me a 2:30 appointment***. This should be first day of dental school, surely? She was not impressed, and got a bit annoyed. I'm actually sweating.
My voice kept getting more and more meek but I kept going, my wife pissing herself all the while.
- [sheepishly] no i just mean it's like that joke
- Sorry
- [v timid] the dentist joke, 2:30
- Do you need another time?
- [exceptionally meek] No no it's fine. Tooth-hurty? No?
- Sir is half two convenient for you?
- [at the volume of a literal flea, tasked with speaking directly into the ear of a puppy it admires] ʸᵉˢ
Read 4 tweets
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But if you were trying not to disturb someone then walking on eggshells nearby would be the last thing you'd do. The prep alone would be so distracting.
My wife: Marjorie is incredibly offended by what you said at dinner last night, so just give her some space this morning, ok?
Me, putting on crocs as I crumble 40 eggshells onto the lino: Absolutely
It would actually be so rude.
Read 3 tweets

Related threads

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If people are coming to me as their go-to resource for news, that’s a bad sign. It shows how much of a mistake the MSM has made, and how deep the loss in media trust is at now.
^ But on the other hand if I can do their job competently, why can’t they? 🧐
Well for some reason there’s 16,600 of you. Here for something like that. Thank you for giving me such an honor and privilege. (Honestly though my retweeting skills are pretty on point at covering my bases when it comes to current events stuff.)
Read 4 tweets
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For my money, the most important song in the Sesame Street songbook is "Sing". Here is Lena Horne doing it on the Muppet Show. Her experiences working with Jim Henson on Sesame Street helped lead to this appearance, which helped "make" the Muppet Show.

"Sing" originated as a bilingual song with parallel lyrics in English and Spanish, and most of its initial appearances were done that way.

Here is Lily Tomlin performing it in English and American Sign Language.

Read 14 tweets
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Home
no one leaves home unless home chases you
fire under feet
hot blood in your belly
it’s not something you ever thought of doing
until the blade burnt threats into
your neck
and even then you carried the anthem under
your breath

#home #warsanshire #poems
#WhereAreTheChildren
only tearing up your passport in an airport toilets
sobbing as each mouthful of paper
made it clear that you wouldn’t be going back.

you have to understand,
that no one puts their children in a boat
unless the water is safer than the land
no one burns their palms
under trains
beneath carriages
no one spends days and nights in the stomach of a truck
feeding on newspaper unless the miles travelled
means something more than journey.
no one crawls under fences
no one wants to be beaten
pitied
Read 8 tweets
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Hey. British. People. Read. This. Thread.

Seriously.

While no doubt the US is incredibly broken, many there are speaking out and condemning the rampant racism; it's an active issue.

Here in the UK, too many people are content to be apathetic and tolerant of racism.
I'm not going to shut up about this, until the day I leave the UK because the latent xenophobia becomes just too much to bear.
It's not the overtly racist who bother me - it's the middle class "progressive" people, often vegan and socially committed and Labour supporters and all the good things - who refuse to speak out, who think we can just "keep calm and carry on."
Read 6 tweets
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Hey Dad, I know you follow me. I have a question for you.

Do you have ANY remorse?
Are you even capable of remorse?
Now that you are confronted with this mirror, do you feel ANY guilt or shame for what you've done, or do you just dismiss it & think we're all stupid for caring?
Hey mom, I know you lurk & have a fake account to follow me. I have a question for you.

Once you realized attempts to access my MC failed after I fled, were you scared? Did you feel guilt or fear potential consequences? Or did you just cycle through pathological dissociation?
Hey Aunt Molly - I have a question for you. Now that you see I know the truth & you guys don't have me fooled any more, are you afraid your victim kids are going to wake up now? Are you scared?

I DO have a thicker skin now.
And NO, I don't want to be a member of this Family.
Read 16 tweets
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Hey hey drop-in time! This is Irene. She just came in to talk. She bought a new (desktop) computer at Best Buy. They said her old hard drive was "unsalvageable" (it was working when she brought it in). I suggested 2nd opinion. older woman looking at list of notes, and me.
Her main issue was how the new Outlook is different from Outlook Express. She wanted it to do one thing it wouldn't do. I searched help forums to determine, she was right, it won't do that thing. I suggested workarounds.
She went home with a list of "try this" stuff. And then we talked about how terrible Comcast was for a while (she uses their email and wishes she didn't, hence the Outlook) and she headed home.
Read 16 tweets

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