1/OK, here is a thread for all the cultural traditionalists, masculinists, MRAs, incels, and assorted other male detractors of sexual modernity.
It's time to debunk the idea that sexual modernity is winner-take-all for men.
It's time to debunk the idea that sexual modernity is winner-take-all for men.
2/The standard (but incorrect) argument is that modern society results in a few lucky men (the "Chads") sleeping with all the women, while the median man is forced to go celibate, or close to celibate.
3/Here is a guy making that argument:
4/And here is the data he relies on, from Tinder, showing that a few hot guys get all the swipes: medium.com/@worstonlineda… 
5/The problem is, this data says nothing about actual male sexual success. Getting swipes and getting laid are not the same thing.
Fortunately, we have data on the distribution of number of sexual partners, from the General Social Survey: slate.com/articles/life/…
Fortunately, we have data on the distribution of number of sexual partners, from the General Social Survey: slate.com/articles/life/…
6/Here are the distributions at age 21-24 for men and women.
We see:
1. The norm (mode) is 1-2 partners for both genders.
2. The number of virgins is already small, and slightly higher for women than for men
3. The median # of partners is a bit higher for men.
We see:
1. The norm (mode) is 1-2 partners for both genders.
2. The number of virgins is already small, and slightly higher for women than for men
3. The median # of partners is a bit higher for men.
7/Here are the distributions at age 35-39.
We see:
1. The # of virgins is now <3% for men, ~4% for women.
2. The mode is still lifetime monogamy.
3. The # of lifetime-monogamous men is LESS than the # of lifetime-monogamous women.
We see:
1. The # of virgins is now <3% for men, ~4% for women.
2. The mode is still lifetime monogamy.
3. The # of lifetime-monogamous men is LESS than the # of lifetime-monogamous women.
8/Now, if lying to the survey isn't a big factor here, this data totally CRUSHES the MRA/incel/Douthat idea that sexual modernity leads to a fairly even distribution of partners for women but a massively concentrated distribution for men.
CRUSHES it.
CRUSHES it.
9/Now, lying may be a factor here - men tend to exaggerate their # of partners, while women tend to understate.
But this difference would have to be VERY big in order for this data not to kill the MRA/incel/Douthat thesis. I doubt it's anywhere near that big.
But this difference would have to be VERY big in order for this data not to kill the MRA/incel/Douthat thesis. I doubt it's anywhere near that big.
10/The reality is that there are a tiny # of people who don't ever have sex, and a lot of those are probably asexual or have some other issue (rather than being incels). And almost certainly, more than half of them are women.
11/So no, sexual modernity does not lead to a winner-take-all situation for men. Most men, like most women, have a moderate # of partners and then settle down to (more-or-less) monogamy.
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