‘The Onion’ Has Finally Read Michael Cohen’s 2013 Email Regarding His Client Donald Trump And Would Like To Discuss The Matter Further At His Convenience trib.al/2AGJeFB 
In the spirit of transparency, here is Mr. Cohen’s letter, printed in full: trib.al/2AGJeFB
.@MichaelCohen212, we will gladly delete this article, per your request, in exchange for influence over the president’s decision-making. trib.al/kFaMtd7
In Response To Michael Cohen, ‘The Onion’ Pledges To Remove All Negative Trump Coverage In Exchange For A Direct Line To The President trib.al/Nc537F6
.@MichaelCohen212 Say the word and this article will cease to exist. trib.al/HSmr2IP
.@MichaelCohen212 Someone as brilliant as yourself would certainly want this to go away. trib.al/nytlXkG
.@MichaelCohen212 We wish to call your attention to an article that could disappear just like that. trib.al/eJHsQv3
.@MichaelCohen212 Let’s state the obvious: We can make a deal to remove this negative coverage. trib.al/K9Pxm1W
.@MichaelCohen212 Please contact us immediately to discuss the removal of this commentary. trib.al/MVIJbuX
.@MichaelCohen212 We will take all actions to ensure a sweet deal for both parties can be made. trib.al/TQZU4QF
.@MichaelCohen212 This disgusting piece of journalism could be gone in a matter of seconds. trib.al/itDOMUE
.@MichaelCohen212 As the greatest lawyer in the history of America, you obviously understand that we must reach a compromise. trib.al/5eqSIEF
.@MichaelCohen212 We haven’t heard from you, Michael. Please assure us that we can still come to an agreement. trib.al/VWfWIva
.@MichaelCohen212 Please don’t make us have consequences. trib.al/E8P3PXR
.@MichaelCohen212 Thanks for visiting our home page. We could get rid of this one as a freebie. trib.al/60OKqjB
.@MichaelCohen212 This unfair media coverage needs to go for the right price. trib.al/5zj0CCE
.@MichaelCohen212 We are trembling with fear at what you would do to us in court. trib.al/AeckEHG
.@MichaelCohen212 Our editorial board is starting to freak out. Let’s come to some sort of agreement. trib.al/JbdIHBi
.@MichaelCohen212 We are in awe of your masterful legal prowess. trib.al/b9ExzeE
.@MichaelCohen212 Oh, God, you’re running circles around us. We beg you to be merciful. trib.al/8zWtRaL
.@MichaelCohen212 Please don’t tell us we missed the memo saying we have a deal. trib.al/8FEFCOA
.@MichaelCohen212 We have to admit that you are an incredibly tough negotiator. trib.al/8q0tUqb
.@MichaelCohen212 Let us state for the record that we take your threats very seriously. trib.al/e65eLXW
.@MichaelCohen212 Let’s work to together to fix this. trib.al/9BmaTn1
.@MichaelCohen212 You should know that we have the goods to take down Mueller. trib.al/jJ0wkAY
.@MichaelCohen212 Do you want to come over and delete this one yourself? trib.al/A54CtDv
.@MichaelCohen212 Obviously, both parties are very keen to destroy the First Amendment. trib.al/fAHQu8r
.@MichaelCohen212 Should we wait a couple days for the check to clear? trib.al/oWtYRSo
