Doctors encounter deaths almost daily in our working lives. Though there are too many to cerita, I'll pick 2 which stayed with me till now.
The first is, well, my first death of a patient as a doctor, as a HO, specifically.
Unfortunately, after 30 mins of CPR, I couldnt save the patient.
But the death was sudden & unexpected. Those are the ones that really throw u off.
I start to think back, could I have done more? Or did I do something wrong?
But we do not have the luxury of hindsight everyday, in every patient. We only do what we can, at that point in time.
Not quite sure I got a clear answer but one thing is for sure, everybody told me, “u did your best, but learn from it”
We do what we can, sometimes it’s enough, sometimes it’s isn’t. But we must always learn from our experiences. If not, those deaths will be in vain.
Mostly because we do not have time to sit down & mourn. There r still patients to be seen, to be taken care of & those r the priority.
2nd death is something more personal. Some years back my granddad got admitted, started off with a minor infection but he was 91, any minor infection is like a time bomb waiting to explode.
And it did.
As expected, I talked to the MO (it was night) & conveyed the situation back to my family.
To my dismay, I was handed back the responsibility of making the decision.
The decision needed to be made was either a DNR (do not resuscitate) or all out active resuscitation.
Professionally, my decision was simple & didn’t need much thought. It was better to let go, considering the situation.
But still, it was me who made the DNR decision.
He passed on soon after, peacefully, I hope. We were all there with him till the last moment.
We brush it off, we even joke about it at times to play it down, or as a coping mechanism. But make no mistake, it moulds us into the doctors we are.
It is when those deaths meant nothing to u, then u have to worry.