wow heck for someone who's always insisted I make my music strictly for myself I sure do desperately crave validation that other people like it
in fact I've got a shit ton of feelings about Being A Musician that I should probably work on sorting out
in fact I've got a shit ton of feelings about Being A Musician that I should probably work on sorting out
like I feel like most Musicians either had formal training at some point or had a group of friends growing up who all played instruments and would jam together and such. but I've mostly just figured shit out on my own
composed a bunch of tracker music in high school without knowing how to play an instrument, but as I got a better sense of what I was doing I got pickier about it and stopped finishing anything. switching to weird experimental stuff is how I got past that block
gradually learned to play keyboard, but never tried playing with other people until I was almost 30, it's still super awkward because I never learned how to communicate with other musicians
and I can play well enough to improvise cool stuff, but not consistently, like half the time I don't actually know what sounds I'm about to make
part of why my stuff is so noisy is that it masks my mistakes, lets me build on them. I don't know how obvious that fact is
part of why my stuff is so noisy is that it masks my mistakes, lets me build on them. I don't know how obvious that fact is
and a part of me thinks that's totally fine, art doesn't have to be intentional, I'm still using my skills to create something that affects (some) people
but another part of me thinks I'm just childishly pounding on a keyboard and it's no wonder most people can't stand it
but another part of me thinks I'm just childishly pounding on a keyboard and it's no wonder most people can't stand it
and I want to insert more structure but then the perfectionism shows up again, if I'm trying for something intentionally and it's not Exactly Right I just get frustrated and quit. I don't know how to stop doing that. maybe collaboration? but I still don't know how that works
plus it's easy to blame my tools, I'm working with free and/or pirated software that crashes a lot and flaky second-hand gear. always thinking "this would be so much easier if I had X" but X costs hundreds of dollars. and my physical workspace is incredibly cramped, etc.
but for all that, I'm really fucking proud of what I've made. and there's really nothing else like it. and a few people love it as much as I do. so I want to make more. and I know if I practice it'll get easier
hard not to wish that there was more money in it though
not because I need money to justify making art, just... I need to make money SOMEHOW, and I don't have any better ideas
not because I need money to justify making art, just... I need to make money SOMEHOW, and I don't have any better ideas
but yeah mostly I guess I just want people to listen to it or what's the point, right? teutholimax.bandcamp.com
not sure why I only linked my bandcamp in this thread when I KNOW my albums are good and it's this new stuff that I really want validation about
