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Julius Goat (Read Pinned Tweet!) @JuliusGoat
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Ted Cruz hasn’t been this outraged since the last time outrage was politically convenient.
I could carve a better man out of a banana.
Omg I just remembered when Cruz named a VP and he wasn’t even front-runner for the nom, what a goober, what an absolute knob.
Ted Cruz got into an argument with Donald Trump where Donald Trump called Cruz’s wife ugly and Cruz still somehow came out of it looking like the worse man.
Remember when Ted Cruz came out against sex toys but Cruz’s roommate from college hated him so much that he went online and told everybody that Ted Cruz wouldn’t stop jacking it back in college?

Ted Cruz stories are like reverse Chuck Norris memes, except they’re true.
Lol remember when Ted Cruz accidentally liked some Twitter porn tweet and then blamed it on some intern. God this is unending humiliation.
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More from @JuliusGoat see all

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The President of the United States has spent his entire public life, which is now in its 5th decade, habitually and repeatedly making provably untrue statements.

That fact is so important that it should accompany any mention of him in news media.
Yes, all or at least most other politicians have lied. I don't think we've ever had a president whose entire public life has been defined not just by specific lies, but by lying.

Lying as strategy.

Lying as lifestyle.

Lying for the sake of lying.

It's relevant.
There should be no mention of his name without the accompanying context.

"Donald Trump (who has told proveable untruths his entire life, and repeats them after they're proved false), addressed the nation today."

Absent the parenthetical, the whole story isn't told.
Read 17 tweets
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Seriously can’t stop laughing at this.
It’s not just how stupid it is it’s how smart he thinks it is.
Read 4 tweets
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Sage advice from veteran congressperson Whoopi Goldberg, known for the gentle contemplative comedy of her youth.
“Multimillionaire Offers Critique of Politician Who Would Tax Multimillionaires”
Who the hell said she didn’t?
Read 4 tweets

Related threads

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Taekook AU :

Where Jungkook and Taehyung are a happy couple. But one day when Jungkook gets home from his trip for work.. He found a letter from Taehyung that made his whole world crashed.Taehyung left him without any trace, without any reason or explanation.But JUST A LETTER...
(Jungkook's POV)

Jungkook is finally getting home to the one he loves. He misses him sm. He can't wait to hug the love of his life. He even bought a Gucci clothes for him.He knows Taehyung would like it, even love it.. So he drove the car as fast as he can in a safety way +
He took the shopping bags and went inside as long as he gets home.
" babe?" he calls him but seems that no one's around.

Babe? - he calls him again but still, no one's answering..
He went thru the kitchen but he isn't there. So he thought he's sleeping and went through the room+
Read 137 tweets
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People we know and love are being systematically swept up into the allure of Progressive (Totalitarian) Liberalism. Not because they are bad but because it appeals to a common thread in human nature - the desire to be taken care of. Peace at the cost of Freedom. #maga
Progressives, if come to power or prominence, often turn violent. Not because they are bad people. It is a shift in perception and we must understand this to understand them. When Conservatives attack progressive totalitarian Liberalism we are attacking their peace & safety.
They have entrusted their lives to Govt. Govt becomes mom, dad, teacher, doctor, provider, protector. They willingly sacrifice their Freedom & autonomy for safety. We all do to different levels. Ask yourself, when’s the last time you opted out at TSA? We all succumb a little.
Read 12 tweets
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Just having a conversation with @viss about terrible films that we love and I brought up Andy Sidaris. I’d like to share the cinema of Andy Sidaris with all of you right now.
My first exposure to Andy Sidaris was a one AM broadcast of Hard Ticket To Hawaii on CityTV, which back in the day was a funky independent station with generally good taste in movies. I fell asleep halfway through, and the next morning was convinced I had hallucinated it.
This film had everything: motorcycle stunts, machine guns, karate, things blowing up, airplanes, and a killer snake on the loose.

It had high-cheese dad-joke dialogue. It had mullets. It had a frisbee lined with razor blades as a murder weapon.
Read 18 tweets
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🔹

He wakes up once again to an empty room. He looks for his phone which he finds at the dresser with his car key. His shoes neatly arranged next to the closet and curtains drawn.

He checks the bathroom but there is no sign of the younger.

Failing to have his call picked up,
he sends a text and starts to feel anxious.

Did Kyungsoo run away?

He opens the closet and finds their bags with their wallets inside. It means the other only has his phone with him.

And he's not answering any calls and texts.

He's seriously getting worried.
If before, he could contact his cousin and ask of his whereabouts, right now he doesn't have anyone to turn to.

Just then the door opens, revealing a drenched Kyungsoo. The younger just stands there, at the doorway with a bashful smile.

"What happened to you? Why are you wet?"
Read 929 tweets
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Sex And Fasting –
(The Fight Of Conscience)
Episode 1
As soon as I cleared out the dinner table, I went into the bedroom, not bothering to say goodnight to Kenny in the living room. I knew he was going to be coming to bed soon enough.
A THREAD (copied from a friend Uju Onyechere)
I needed him to think I was fast asleep by the time he came to bed. I quickly got into the bathroom and had a quick shower before climbing into bed. I made sure I put on my long pyjamas so there was no way he could have easy access to my body.
About an hour later when I heard him climb into bed and turn the other way, I finally let out the breath I was holding. I managed to escape the sex tonight. By the time I woke up the next morning, I knew we were going to have another round of noise and fight
Read 153 tweets
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Almost all of the Road Runner cartoons are available via the @BoomerangToons app.

I subscribed for $5 & decided I'm gonna watch & tweet about 'em all in chronological order, even the later, terrible ones, for which I have an irrational affection.

Here we go.
#BeepBeep
#MeepMeep
Boomerang lists them alphabetically not chronologically so Chuck Jones masterpieces sit side-by-side with 1960s atrocities (& later 'revival' attempts.)

I am going to start at the beginning. I will also be including Wile E. Coyote/Bugs Bunny & Ralph Wolf/Sam Sheepdog shorts, FYI
September 17, 1949: "Fast And Furry-ous"

Chuck Jones intended this short to be a parody of cat & mouse "chase" cartoons. Instead, he accidentally created the definitive chase cartoon series of all time.
Read 1189 tweets

Trending hashtags

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