Thread by @ThomasHCrown

So as if anticipating @SonnyBunch flogging it today, I actually watched The Watchmen (Super Ultimate Awesome Explode Edition) on Prime last night. This was my first viewing; I first read the graphic novel a few years ago.

I have thoughts.

First, the Black Freighter choral interludes are the only good part of the graphic novel -- tight, well-illustrated, filled with tension, and consistent -- so it's nice to see them not only included but animated. Nice touch.

Second, Zac Snyder is amazing at translating comic books into movies, by which I mean it feels like you're reading a comic book while watching the movie based on the comic book down to almost the last panel.

That's not a compliment.

Third, the movie does an amazing job of capturing the brutally boring, slow, lethargic, dated, preachy, insulting, meandering, hyper-stylized feel of the graphic novel so very well.

I guess that can be a compliment.

Fourth, and this is a compliment, it's a credit to the film that it really highlights (better than the source material) how basically everyone in the source material except Rorschach is a sociopath, narcissist, neurotic, or some combination, with a shattered moral compass.

Fifth, and this isn't a compliment, the movie drives home how not-smart Alan Moore is.

Sixth, guys, I get it, believe me, I get it better than basically anyone involved in the film, adults have sex. It's a real thing. Please spare me scenes in which a woman is apparently deriving Laplace Transforms from scratch while naked on a naked dude.

Seventh, I know I've already said how boring it is, but I fell asleep not once, but twice, in the first thirty minutes (of 400 minutes total running time). Ye gods. It's like they saw most of the episodes of Firefly and said, "Hold my Ambien."

Eighth and finally, again with the exception of Rorschach and arguably the exception of Manhattan and the hot mom from Spy Kids, did they actively seek out the most unlikable people they could find for EVERY SINGLE DAMNED ROLE?