Thoughts on happiness, and teen suicide. Thread: I do not claim that this thread will contain the solution, or even one single causal factor. (There are many) However, suicide has impacted me greatly, and I work with teenagers every day, and these are some thoughts I have thunk.
Truly happy people do not take their own lives. People can seem happy, but if they are suicidal, then what you are seeing is not happiness. Maybe some momentary fun or pleasure, but not real, lasting happiness. We must teach children how to achieve this. Being happy is not luck.
In fact, I believe that those who become “happy” by sheer luck, rarely stay that way. See lottery winners...
Happiness requires years of work, and a process. Step one: list out all of your values. (can take some people years) If you are young, this will look like “your dream life.” That’s ok. DO NOT include perfect job, house or income. Think “what do I want to achieve?” Not “obtain.”
Step two: arrange your values from top priority to bottom. There have to be some things on your list that you would not give up even for other things on your list. (Hint: your list should change. I hope it’s not the same at age 15 and age 25 or 35)
Step 3: upend your WHOLE LIFE if you have to, until your life reflects your values IN ORDER. Don’t sacrifice or give up things at the top of the list for things at the bottom, or worse, not in the list at all. (This step took me almost 10 years, and is still a work in progress)
not a psychologist, a guru, or PERFECT, so take all of this for what it is. I am however, a DEEPLY happy person who loves the world, and how my life fits into it. I also know that I’ve WORKED to feel this way. I suffered a LOT of what are called “Adverse Childhood Experiences”
Statistically, I should be an alcoholic, a criminal, a drug addict or all three. And I fall in a group that is at a high risk for depression/suicide. Yet I am not any of those things. These are things I attribute it to. “Intentional life-living.”
Finally, teen suicide: Teens are smart enough to know what happiness looks like, but have not had enough time on the planet to fully achieve it. There is a “goal-achievement” gap. I see this in my music students too. They know what it SHOULD sound like, but don’t have skills yet!
The world tells them that happiness is something that “happens to you” rather than a process you can control. So when they run into the “gap” of course despair sets in! They need to be taught how to move forward and that progress, not perfection is the goal.
Bottom line: I believe teen years are high risk years because of “goal-achievement” gap. The goals are in their face all of the time on social media. The work it took to get there is rarely shown. Life has been setback after setback. They have a clear “Insta worthy” picture of...
What they want their life to look like, not realizing that they may be 20 years away from that! Not to mention that their picture will change when they are older. Love your kids, teach them what it means to be happy...long term.
Parents, teachers: we can’t DO kids’ happiness homework for them. We can only teach them a formula. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. (Dedicated to my kids and students❤️)
Addendum: prepare yourself Mentally and emotionally to make these kinds of choices. Life will force them on you.
