I feel odd doing this, but I think it is important. That is why I will continue, despite the sensation. I'll see how I go. I was administered a date rape drug at a social occasion. I was 31 at the time. Here is what happened and #WhyIDidntReport
Who boy, twitter. This feels weird. But okay. I was at a social occasion with a good friend, at the beach. We went to a weekend brunch. I had brunch, with came with a light mimosa, which I sipped at with my pancakes. I suddenly remember feeling...odd.
(Still feels very weird.) Things started to get dark, in a very specific way. I remember it was like a camera shutter. The outsides of the frame got dark and the center was all I had and that was getting smaller and smaller.
(whoo boy) And I finally realized, something is wrong. Something is very wrong. I had NO IDEA what. I just knew I had to go. I grabbed my things and headed for the door. When I turned around, a guy who had been lightly trailing me that weekend was behind me.
(still does not feel good, twitter, but let's keep going) I couldn't work out WHAT was going on, because I had been given a drug, and that is part of what happens when someone drugs you. YOU CANNOT FIGURE IT OUT. You just know you are shutting down. But I had some hint of danger.
The guy was right behind me and he wanted to walk me back to my hotel, and I said, "No, no." I think he tried but I can't remember the specifics of what I did. I know I made some decision to get out. And it was all getting smaller.
It's a very specific and strange recollection, the darkness on the edges and the narrowed focus. By the time I walked the block or so, I could barely see. I remember walking to the door. I remember being able to see the handle. I remember thinking, "Just open it."
I had so little consciousness left. I opened the door. I got inside. I woke up on the floor, five hours later, fully dressed, coat and all. I was EXTREMELY confused. I called someone who said, "You were drugged." And I said, "What?"
I rewound. I saw the events. I had been drugged. It seemed so...I don't know. I almost didn't believe it MYSELF. But it had happened. And I told no one except that one person at the time, because...confusion? Because BEING DRUGGED MAKES YOU DOUBT YOURSELF.
It only occurs to me NOW that I should have stumbled over to a police station or hospital and had my blood tested for evidence. I got away. There seemed to be no story to tell. I kind of disregarded it. Also, I didn't want the friend I was with TO FEEL BAD. ????
Only in writing this do I see that I threw everything in the path of blaming the person who did it or even saying what had happened. And I was AN ADULT. Having this happen as a teenager?
Anyway. I am going to sit here and appreciate the queasy feeling. I have other stories. We all do. But in reading the accusation this morning, I felt the need to talk about this for the first time. Because that feeling when the drug goes in...yeah.
