Important thread.
And I want to add a thing, which I'll do in a response to this tweet, because first go read this thread.
And I want to add a thing, which I'll do in a response to this tweet, because first go read this thread.
CW: Sexual assault.
I was sexually assaulted. More than once. And the first time? I didn't feel any of the stuff society tells you you're supposed to feel. I didn't feel ashamed, or sullied, or humiliated. I was just pissed.
I was sexually assaulted. More than once. And the first time? I didn't feel any of the stuff society tells you you're supposed to feel. I didn't feel ashamed, or sullied, or humiliated. I was just pissed.
It didn't ruin my life. Honestly, the trauma I have comes from how people *reacted* to me talking about it. Refusing to believe, suggesting it was my fault, all that shit. The actual assault? I don't have trauma around that. Subsequent ones, yes.
But I don't have flashbacks. I still, remembering it, don't feel anything but indignation and anger. The sick feeling, the fear, the shame, the hollowness? All that is from remembering people's reactions.
But none of that has ruined my life. I still enjoy my life and live it enthusiastically.
However you react, it's legit. It is legit if you DO feel like it's ruined your life (I hope that you don't continue to feel like that for the rest of your life, of course, but it's absolutely legitimate, and the fault of whoever assaulted you.)
But also please bear in mind that there are many victims for whom that characterization is, in a weird way, traumatizing in itself. Like, every time you hear it, you feel like, DID it ruin my life? Was what happened to me Not That Bad because I don't feel like my life is ruined?
Is my trauma not real because I don't think about it constantly? Is it not legitimately severe if I am able to compartmentalize it and enjoy my life? Is there something wrong with me that I don't feel like I'm "supposed" to?
So, I dunno, I guess what I'm saying is just, if you're talking to someone who's been through it, please let THEM lead in how they characterize it and avoid using absolutist statements about it if they're not.
