Thread by @OSPyoutube

oh goooood it's just what I always wanted OKAY LET'S GET THIS TERRIBLE PARTY STARTED -R

ooh boy we are in for a ride -R

maaaaan, remember when picollo was like “holy fuck, goku’s not just some weird kid, he’s literally an alien? and I am also an alien? and I knew NONE of this? this is such a humbling and humanizing moment for my character”

DBE says FUCK THAT GIANT MONKEY WORKS FOR PICOLLO NOW

-R

didn’t kami do the mafuba? it’s been a long-ass time since I read that arc -R

boy there’s just so much to hate about this goku

the bit where he’s white is honestly the LEAST troubling issue, I’m more pissed that he’s not a little baby manchild with a tail and hair bigger and more unruly than some small countries

-R

they liked this facial expression so much they gave it a slow-mo glamour shot and all I can hear is *white noise fly buzzing sounds* -R

yuuuup this is what I wanted, emo teenager goku rocking that t-shirt-over-sleeves look -R

“you’re special goku”
“no I’m different”
BITCH WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR TAIL THIS ARGUMENT IS MEANINGLESS YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A TAAAAAAIL

-R

Strike two, goku doesn’t give a shit about getting the girl, goku cares exclusively about food and fighting and he thinks marriage is something you eat -R

“the dragonballs grant one perfect wish” okay but how does shenron judge if a wish is perfect or not, would oolong’s panty wish not qualify as “perfect” -R

"okay mister actor man we want you to look angry"
"got it. HNYERRRRR"
"okay is that… is that constipation? confusion?"
"ANGER"
"…"
"MMMMMMGHGSDF"

-R

oh james marsters I am so sorry they talked you into this -Re

Oh cool I remember enough japanese to know what they’re talking about in this weird picollo’s-hot-assassin-gets-a-dragonball scene -R

The only realistic part of this goku-fantasizing-about-chichi scene is the part where he likes that she’s eating something -R

goooood lord what I wouldn’t give for a good ten-minute powerup sequence -R

anime goku: “gee, that kamehameha thing looked really cool! I wonder if I can! Oh, it takes years of training? Can’t hurt to try! Oops blew up the car”
movie goku: “hnnn hot girl let’s open lockers with magic now”

-R

maaaan remember how it was a cool component to goku’s backstory that he was actually responsible for his grandpa’s death without knowing until he saw vegeta become the oozaru and put two and two together

subvert that by uncle benning grandpa and removing the personal element

-R

to the movie’s credit, cocky acrobatic asshole goku is not terrible to watch -R

so is chichi’s dad still the ox king in this movie? do they keep the burning mountain full of treasure in the basement? -R

“Ever since I can remember, me and my grandpa celebrate my birthday at the exact same time.”
It’s - it’s called a - birthdays HAPPEN at the same time every YEAR THAT’S HOW IT WORKS
wow that was dumb enough I actually believe goku would say that

-R

heyyy big green what’s cracking

hey cool picollo’s a sith now

-R

"do I smell dead father figure?" -R

“goku, remember… always have faith in who you are. aka a beloved meathead hero loved by millions for your charming childlike attitude as well as your ridiculously sweet hairdo, and not whatever… THIS situation is supposed to be” -R

“Are you picollo? Did you kill my grandpa?”
“Listen, idiot. If I was a picollo, whatever that is, I wouldn’t tell you.”
and bulma makes a hell of an entrance into the movie as well as my heart
-R

why not just dye all her hair blue

props for having her immediately shoot at goku though, negative props for not having her hit him with her car first

-R

“Dragon ball energy. DBE. Catchy name!”
NO IT’S NOT FUCK YOU
-R

Bulma pursuing clean energy through dragonballs is at least slightly more interesting than “I’m gonna wish for a BOYFRIEND” -R

but my burning question about this dragonball universe is - IS THE PRESIDENT STILL A DOG -R

minor props to the movie for at least giving goku a big turkey leg to nosh on -R

I can’t tell if this version of bulma would get along better or worse with vegeta than the canon one

I know vegeta would snap this goku in half though

-R

holy shit they’re just looping the same fight noises I can’t believe this -R

I do not hate this version of master roshi -R

how hard would it have been to put krillin in this movie -R

okaaay, props for shoehorning in the turtle-shell training from the show, and I don’t hate bulma threatening to shoot roshi if he pervs on her again -R

if roshi says “airbending” one more goddamn time I’m going to spontaneously dissociate into last airbender -R

hiya yamcha where’s your cat friend

also bulma why are you upset about paying yamcha when you are literally a bazillionaire

-R

what I love about this movie is how it repeats the premise in boring exposition format every ten minutes just in case you forgot -R

he’s still alive for some reason but I can dream -R

Oh cool, picollo’s weird minion-spawn made it into the movie. Now which of these identical gremlins is tambourine -R

ahhhh man remember how the martial-arts-based fight choreography made the show interesting to watch even as the power creep replaced punches with ridiculous energy attacks

this movie is Not That

-R

goku No-Selling a punch to the face was kinda funny but made the fight pointless so no points -R

I can’t work up the energy to actively hate this movie

but maybe if you all GAVE ME SOME OF YOUR ENERGY I COULD PULL IT OFF

-R

put tien in the movie you cowards I wanna see flying and multi-arm punches and shit -R

Yamcha: “I’m not so bad once you get to know me.”
Bulma: “Maybe I like bad men.”
Vegeta: “FUCK YEA WORE THE RIGHT SHIRT”

hey if the kamehameha is “airbending” then why are you using it to light FIRES GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER MOVIE -R

motivating goku with sexytimes makes no sense. try motivating him with snacks and he’d be obliterating these stupid torches AND half the buildings behind them -R

aaaaand they’re smooching because if there’s one thing dragonball is known for it’s protracted makeout sessions -R

so goku spends a shitload of time working on using ki to make stuff explode and evil minion lady demonstrates a much more effective power to accomplish the same goal is gun-have -R

What is with people using their energy powers as defibrillators? Why is this a thing people keep doing? -R

Also what kind of weaksauce version of goku can be knocked into a near-death experience by a goddamn GUNSHOT (except that one time with the lazer gun in resurrection of f but whatever) -R

oops I wasn’t paying attention and now plot is happening I guess it’s dragon time? -R

summoning shenron conveniently reshapes the landscape to resemble dragonball’s visual motif of giant pillar mountains and scrub foliage so that’s kinda cool -R

yaaay goku’s finally wearing orange and piccolo took off his cape -R

Oh whaaaat goku’s turning into a giant moooonkey nobody could have predicted thiiiiis -R

but fuckin

wait a goddamn minute

oozaru helped piccolo rule the world two thousand years ago that was the whole THING

then HOW is he also goku who traveled to earth by “meteor” 18 years ago

that’s basic plot shit right there I mean what the fuck

-R

also oozaru looks like a ps2 cutscene graphic, and he’s way too small, and the only way to defeat oozaru is NOT faith it’s CUTTING OFF THE TAIL WHICH HE STILL DOESN’T SEEM TO HAVE EVEN AS A GODDAMN MONKEY -R

oh cool goku’s back yay i guess -R

they sure are pew-pewing a lot of glowy hand farts at each other

also I guess goku figured out how to fly a little bit WITHOUT MY BOY TIEN HOW DARE

-R

"SELF-ACCEPTANCE FEELS GREAAAAAAAAT" -R

oh cool piccolo lost i guess -R

so goku’s actor is not great most of the time, but when he has to emote LOUDLY he reeeeally struggles

“DRAGOOOOOOON THE TEST OF SEVEN HAS BEEN FULFIIIIIIILLED” for example

-R

don’t wanna overstep and I’m no martial arts expert but chichi’s form really doesn’t look that solid and she’s just kinda flailing her arms instead of throwing solid punches

although I doubt that’s controversial because this movie seems to have no fight choreographer

-R

OH THANK GOD IT’S THE CREDITS -R

the worst part about these anime movies is always the unnecessary changes and they are always SO UNNECESSARY
Why make Goku older/not a manchild? Why highschool? Why oozaru as piccolo’s henchman? Why “airbending”? Why no tail? Why no Krillin? WHY HIGHSCHOOL??
-R

also the post credit scene sucked because WHAAAAT OMG PICCOLO DIDN’T DIE FROM GETTING PUNCHED ONE TIME? WHAT A TWIST THIS IS -R

hey guys watch this I'm gonna script the sequel
Vegeta: what's up GEEKO haha hey nappa look at this NERD
Nappa: I'm big!
Goku: oh man that new exchange student vegeta sure is MEAN to me
Vegeta: fight me loser I am somehow ALSO the oozaru
Goku: whaa
Chichi: hey goku let's make out

Vegeta: you see there is a PROPHECY about a CHOSEN ONE whose name we can't say because saiyans don't exist
Goku: oh dang
Vegeta: now observe my PURPLE HAND-FART POWER
Roshi: would you believe there's an ancient nursery rhyme about this asshole too
Bulma: hey vegeta let's make out

Ghost Gohan: gokuuu you must belieeeeve in yourself
Vegeta: nooOo your friendship has defeated my MODERATELY-SIZED MONKEY FORM
Goku: I feel like this powerup would be more compelling if I had like a dead friend or something
Krillin: I don't exist
Goku: aw dang