It’s been a week since Thanksgiving ended, which means the annual onslaught that is the Christmas season is truly upon us. This year promises to be a particularly challenging one for non-celebrators! So here’s a thread called Please Don’t Be A Christmas Asshole.
First: people have lots of reasons for not celebrating Christmas. Some include:
-They’re Jewish, Muslim, or otherwise religiously disinclined!
-Painful family associations!
-Their name is Gerald Jimes & on a previous Christmas their wife was murdered by a man in a yellow sweater!
-They’re Jewish, Muslim, or otherwise religiously disinclined!
-Painful family associations!
-Their name is Gerald Jimes & on a previous Christmas their wife was murdered by a man in a yellow sweater!
All of these reasons, and any others anyone might give, are good enough reasons not to celebrate Christmas. (Any reason is actually a good enough reason for any person to not celebrate any holiday. They’re not a mandatory part of human life.)
Also, take it from your friendly neighborhood Jewish dude: if you are someone who does not celebrate Christmas? Christmas sucks. It suuuuuucks. It’s like spending two months watching everyone around you freak out about a Beyoncé concert you can’t get tickets to.
And that doesn’t mean anyone who celebrates should enjoy it one iota less! It’s not anyone’s moral obligation to enjoy only events in which all of mankind is included, because that would be absolute mayhem. But there are crappy behaviors that you can avoid! Here are some.
“I MUST wish everyone Merry Christmas and everyone MUST wish me Merry Christmas in reply”: You don’t have to do this, man. I may be Jewish but I’m PRETTY sure Christmas merriment isn’t a hostage situation where one (1) joy unit is released for every greeting; Calm the Fuck Down
“Oh it’s so SAD that you don’t celebrate Christmas”: No, in fact, it isn’t, at all, for the same reason it’s not sad if you don’t celebrate Passover, or my birthday. It’s not sad if someone doesn’t celebrate a day that holds no personal significance to them! It’s just: regular
“But I think you just don’t understand the MAGIC of — “ STOP. NO. Nobody in your life just needs to be shown the magic of Christmas. Nobody in your life is a schmaltzy Christmas movie protagonist. Nobody! None of ‘em! They’re people, and they’re more complicated than that. Don’t.
“Oh my god, you don’t celebrate Christmas, let me explain ornaments to you”: lol. The Christmas Juggernaut Is Inescapable And None May Look Away; we, the non-celebrating, are by and large well versed in Christmas. It’s everywhere! We probably know what you’re talking about.
“Christmas is secular”: maybe for you buddy!! Good for you if it is, power to you, happy merry etcetera!! You don’t get to decide what‘s secular for someone else, though. That’s kind of how... religion... works?
“You don’t celebrate Christmas so you’re a Grinch!!”: You have fundamentally misunderstood Dr. Seuss’s How The Grinch Stole Christmas, in which the Grinch’s goal is to STEAL Christmas and thus ruin it for others. It’s not called How The Grinch Sat Quietly At Home, Harming No One
A few more quick personal stories from holiday seasons past to finish this out: once I went home with a partner for Christmas and his dad casually told me over the Christmas dinner dishes that he was 30 before he heard the word “Jew” without the word “dirty” in front of it
Once I had a roommate who decided that if she just showed me the magic of Christmas I’d “get it,” so she bought me reindeer slippers, decorated all the common space while I was out, & played (& sung!) LOUD Christmas music at all hours of the day & night. Weirdly, I’m still Jewish
Once I told a coworker I didn’t celebrate Christmas and she didn’t believe me, peppered me with questions to try to trick me into admitting that in fact I did, and then yelled “AHA! A CHRISTMAS CAROL,” when my phone rang. The ringtone? The Gravity Falls theme song
I only mention these to indicate: it’s rough out there this time of year! This is just skimming the surface of my own experience & many if not most catch it far worse than I do. Just: try to be kind. Keep an eye out for your non-celebrating friends. Don’t be a Christmas Asshole.
In closing: this country still claims to be the United States and the United States still claims to have been founded at least in part on the principle of freedom of religion! So do what works for you this holiday season, and respect others as they do the same. Happy holidays ⛄️
