Can we talk about the Nigerian tradition of families saddling women with the job of raising their sons?
A family sees their son is lazy and not doing well, or is just a general layabout, so they arrange marriage to some unsuspecting woman, claiming it 'will make him serious'.
A family sees their son is lazy and not doing well, or is just a general layabout, so they arrange marriage to some unsuspecting woman, claiming it 'will make him serious'.
And because of the already existing pervasive idea in our society that any husband is better than no husband, these usually enterprising young women end up hitched to people who are too lazy to lift a finger to do much for themselves and their family.
Sometimes it might even be their own families who have arranged these marriages for the women. They will go out of their way to look for women who are hard working or doing well, hoping to make sure that their sons are taken care of, or that the wife's ways 'will rub off on him'.
Most of these men never change or grow up. The women end up having to bear the brunt of caring for their family, both financially, emotionally and in every other way. Lots of these men tend to be terribly misogynistic, meaning they will also see her success as an insult to them.
And when the woman complains about this to their family, they are told to 'just manage him. Cover your husband. You're like his mother too. Don't let the world know what is going on." Meanwhile, they are usually still suffering terribly at the hands of these men.
It is not a woman's job to raise your sons. It is not her job to do what you as his family couldn't do; make him a valuable member of society. Marriage doesn't fix anyone. It usually amplifies whatever traits you have going into it.
Of course, the main thing we need to do is make marriage less important, so women are not forced to go into these partnerships in the first place, when they would be better served being on their own or waiting for someone on their own level in every way.
