“The Fasten Seat Belt sign is now illuminated. If you haven’t already done so, please check your cash and cash equivalent balances. Please lower your burn rate and make sure your defensive investments are in their full upright position.”
“If you find yourself needing an emergency exit from illiquid investments, please read carefully the special instructions card. Cash is more king than ever. If you can’t handle the haircut you are about to experience, please ask someone to do the selling to raise cash for you.”
“We remind you this remains an uncertain and no sympathy correction. No one knows anything for sure as is usual. Crying and whining is prohibited, including in the lavatories. Tampering with, disabling or destroying your brokerage statements is pointless and prohibited by law.”
“We are crossing a zone of turbulence. Please stay seated, but feel free to use adult diapers. Direct your attention to CNBC monitors showing talking heads telling you what will happen even though they didn’t predict what is happening now. Your portfolio has no safety features.”
"If we start a steep market descent, make sure your buybacks are completed, all capital calls completed to create fully funded positions and GP carry is safety stowed in T-Bills. Market makers prepare for landing. Young Money Cash Money Billionaires crew, please take your seats.
