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I was thinking I might do some tweets about working out, for people who feel put off or intimidated by the idea. I guess just tips for gentle comedy souls who want to get healthier
My natural body type is soft pink skeleton. It wants to be skinny in an unchic way, yet still have high body fat. The human body is truly ridiculous, and exercise is the main way we can get revenge on it. Deal with THIS, you weird jerk
But whatever you want to improve about yourself, gaining weight, losing it, or maybe improving posture or mobility, I think lifting heavy weights is really important. For both guys & girls. Cardio will burn calories in the moment, but weightlifting will burn calories 24/7
It takes quite a bit of planning and determination to 'get huge' so ladies please cross that off your worry list. The idea is to make your muscles denser, bc when you have more muscle to feed, your body burns more calories when you're at rest.
It might seem counterintuitive, but to lose weight it's best to gain weight underneath it first. Thus concludes my groundbreaking endorsement of 'muscle'
The first & most important tip to working out is: put your shoes on. Instead of a whole thought process of 'do I go to the gym today' or 'am I tired' or 'ugh i bet it's crowded'... just put your shoes on and see what happens!
General wisdom is like 'exercise 3-5' days a week, but in my opinion, that means each day you'll wonder which day today is. Gym or not gym? So just remove that internal debate and go every day. I know that sounds crazy but hear me out. Go every day
Even if that means you show up and do one thing and leave after 5 mins. That is enough! (I guarantee you'll eventually want to do more than 1 thing)
Maybe go to the gym after work but before home. I can't motivate in the a.m. & if I go home to change in the p.m. I'll just dissolve into my couch and say forget it. Mindlessly pointing my car toward the gym as a matter of habit is what works for me. 'I guess this is happening'
Not to be controversial, but the actual workout is not as important as the HABIT of working out. If for 30 days in a row you only do a bare minimum of exercise, that's still really good. Train your brain to view exercise as just part of your day.
Like brushing your teeth. Not the MOST fun to do, but the end result is nice
So, after the habit is formed, your brain might become bored of minimum-exertion and might actually find pleasure in upping the ante a little. That's when you can start taking weight, reps, sets more seriously. But for the first month just form a habit of going, that's all
Okay, so workout stuff: When you get to the point where you're designing workouts, even if you're attempting to work on specific aspects of your body, you gotta do the same three 'compound' exercises: squats, bench press, pull-ups.
The scary ones! But they are actually your friends and the more you do them, the less you have to do, if that makes sense. Squats especially will boost your hormones and help increase muscle mass even in your upper body. Classic body hack
People generally work out specific body areas each day (chest day, leg day, etc.) and you gotta rest at least two days between working out the same group again. So a little strategizing helps a lot. Know what the whole week is ahead of time, makes it easier to just do it
Don't work out longer than an hour... 10 mins of warmup/stretching, 10 mins of abs, and then 40 mins of doing 6-8 exercises. You could feasibly work out longer, but then you are tempting your brain to begin to hate working out. So keep it breezy!
Start with the hardest thing first (bench, squat, pull up) which is where 80% of your workout will happen. The other 5-7 things are just specialized ways to make that muscle even more tired
If you feel dizzy or gross, stop. Don't let your brain associate exercise with hurting or pain. This is tricky since exercise is, by its nature, exhausting and full of failure. So stop while you're still having a good time. And come back tomorrow
I personally don't like going to babe gyms, so I recommend going to gyms that are cheap and no-frills, like the YMCA or in my case I have a $29 membership at a sketchy chain gym. I like it. I don't want to be distracted or intimidated by babes. You know? But everyone is different
That being said, gyms aren't really that scary. I've found them to be nonjudgmental and even warm and welcoming. Nobody's really paying attention to you, unless your form is alarming or you're sitting at a station on your phone instead of working out when people are waiting
Strangers have offered me unsolicited tips to improve what I was doing and each time I really appreciated it. People are cool about helping spot/supervise your form if you ask for it. People have asked me for help with equipment and it makes me feel good every time
Locker rooms! remind me of 7th grade & those jocks' reign of terror. So I used to change into gym shorts in my car but now it feels normal to use the locker room. People just aren't paying attention and that is a general tip for life: nobody cares! (A good thing in this case)
Lifting weights is half the battle. The rest is just sleeping, eating correctly (protein within 30 mins of working out, etc), and, sorry to say, not drinking as much alcohol.
The body system that rebuilds your muscles is the same one that cleans vodka sodas out of your blood, so which function would you prefer it focus on?
Try and do abs every day, at the beginning of the workout (bc at the end of the workout you won't be quite as motivated). But keep in mind they'll only become visible in the mirror if you're eating healthy. That's a goal to focus on later. Don't stress about it
Fellas, in my opinion, don't overdo it with bicep stuff. Yes you'll really stretch that Polo shirt sleeve but if your arms are big it makes your torso look small. This is purely an aesthetic thing, but you might get better results focusing on your shoulders and back.
Oh gosh, and use light weights until you learn the correct workout movements. And really protect your lower back. Nothing will ruin your day-to-day more thoroughly than a thrown disc. One time I bent over incorrectly at the gym and it took 2 weeks to feel good about life again
Also promise me, if you start going to the gym, don't make that the only thing you talk about. It's so boring. Try to not bring it up at all! Being in better shape is a good goal, but it hopefully won't define you. (Endless gym selfies also bum me out for some reason)
The main thing is just put your shoes on
