Thread by @snarke

Oh lord. There’s going to be a #SHSanders #WHPressBriefing today. It’s the first one of the year, the first since before the shutdown, and will likely be A Thing.

I’ll be watching & tweeting! Follow/mute at will!

Oh hey, looks like the #WHBriefing started relatively on time. I almost missed it! John Bolton said some stuff. Now It's Mnuchin's turn to say some stuff.

#SHSanders #Trump

Y'all, Mnuchin's suit is suuuuuuuuuper shiny. It's practically reflective.

#WHBriefing #SHSanders #Trump

Q: You said there would be a "significant response" to the sitch in Venezuela, what does that mean?

Bolton: We're not going to tell you that because, like, reasons. (phrasing mine, obviously)

Yup. It's a #WHBriefing, all right.

#Trump #SHSanders

Q: Why is the US so interested in Venezuela?

Bolton: Because they interest us... also tons of people have fled the country heading for elsewhere including the US.

There it is. Y'all don't want more brown people coming here. You're disgusting.

#WHBriefing #Trump #SHSanders

Q: Seriously, why are you suddenly so interested in Venezuela?

Mnuchin: They have a LOT of resources [oil] so there's no reason for a humanitarian crisis there [and we want it].

Nuanced as always, you walking hagfish.

#SHSanders #Trump #WHBriefing

Q: Can you give us any details on how this will effect gas prices?

Mnuchin: Markets aren't always efficient, they move in different directions.

IOW: Details, shmetails, Imma get RICH, y'all!

#WHBriefing #SHSanders #Trump

Mnuchin: Many of our friends in the Middle East will be more than happy to make up for the oil supply we've been getting from Venezuela.

ORLY. Do tell.

#WHBriefing #SHSanders #Trump

Q: How safe are US diplomats in Venezuela?

Bolton: They are our absolutely our top priority and we've drawn down. All the important people are gone. (phrasing mine)

So--the people who fly coach are left to find their own ways home?

#WHBriefing #SHSanders #Trump

Q: What do you have to say to people who are saying the admin is in disarray since the shutdown?

Mnuchin: I want to thank the large number of gov't workers who came in. We weren't in disarray.

THEY HAD TO SHOW UP OR THEY'D BE FIRED, JACKASS.

#WHBriefing #SHSanders #Trump

Oh hey, now it's Kudlow's turn. On the shutdown, he says "I think the optimists were right, it's gonna work out."

Gross.

#WHBriefing #SHSanders #Trump

Kudlow: The government is open, the lights are on, and everything is back to normal, there won't be any long term damage and besides, the CBO doesn't like our tax cuts, so what do they know? (phrasing mine)

Ew. EW. Are you kidding?! WTAF.

#WHBriefing #SHSanders #Trump

Q: What if we have another shutdown?

Kudlow: Look, we have a process in place. Let's see if it bears fruit.

Sure. Because it's just people's lives you're playing with. No big, right? *headdesk*

#WHBriefing #SHSanders #Trump

Q: Will gov't contractors who were furloughed also get back pay?

Kudlow: I honestly don't know.

WHY NOT?

#WHBriefing #SHSanders #Briefing

Oh lord. Kudlow, is going off about the CBO. It can be summed up as "They don't agree with me so they suck."

Way to be professional, bro.

#WHBrieing #SHSanders #Trump

Kudlow is losing his sh*t. "We are the hottest economy and the best economy and the proudest economy!" On China, he says: "It's about "spreading prosperity!"

Spreading the prosperity WHERE? Oh right, your pocket. Sorry, my bad. Forgot who I was watching.

#WHBriefing #SHSanders

Sanders' turn. Asked about possibility of another shutdown, she says: #Trump doesn't want another shutdown, it's up to the Democrats to negotiate in good faith. It's about border security.

Huh. It's true: you really don't ever forget how to ride a bike.

#WHBriefing #Trump

Q: Will #Trump still protect Dreamers?

#SHSanders: I'm not going to negotiate here. But if they don't come back with a deal, the Democrats get NOTHING and #Trump will have to take action through Executive actions.

Your record is skipping, pal.

#WHBriefing

Q: What does #Trump think should happen to companies that employ illegal immigrants?

#SHSanders: I think he thinks it's part of the problem. He's one of the few to try to fix the problem, it's up to the Democrats!

JFC. PICK ANOTHER SONG.

#WHBriefing

Q: Why doesn't #Trump believe DACA kids should have a path to citizenship?

#SHSanders: The focus right now is Border Security and fixing the loopholes that prevent those things from happening.

Uh. What?

#WHBriefing

Q: What does "Democrats are ready to get serious" mean?

#SHSanders: We've had a number of Democrats who are in favor of a wall and who will sit down and negotiate.

Name them, please.

#WHBriefing

Q: Is #Trump gonna have his physical exam soon?

#SHSanders: Uh....well....um.....he's going to have an annual physical. Yeah.

Why so scared, Sarah?

#WHBriefing

Q: The numbers show that another shutdown is a bad idea.

#SHSanders: The numbers don't say that. They say otherwise. They say we're strong and great and awesome. (phrasing mine)

Oh honey.

#WHBriefing #Trump

Q: Has #Trump talked to any of the people in his admin who have been indicted?

#SHSanders: I'm not aware of any conversations about that.

Not aware of. Right.

#WHBriefing

Q: What's the SOTU sitch?

#SHSanders: Nancy certainly wasn't operating in good faith on the back end of that. She made up security issues that didn't exist.

Only b/c you were forcing the Secret Service to work for free.

#WHBriefing #Trump

Q: Will #Trump really declare a state of emergency and sieze funds for the wall? Isn't that federal overreach over the states?

#SHSanders: There is a real problem at the border and #Trump is going to do whatever he has to do to fix it.

So....yes.

#WHBriefing

Q: If #Trump really believes it's an emergency, why wait three weeks to declare it?

#SHSanders: Because it should be fixed legislatively. If the Democrats will stop playing games, it won't need to happen that way.

#WHBriefing

Q: It's an emergency or not. You can't have half an emergency.

#SHSanders: It's not an emergency, it's a CRISIS.

Your entire administration is a crisis.

#WHBriefing #Trump

Q: Can #Trump keep his promise that there will be a wall on the southern border by the end of his first term?

#SHSanders: He's not going to stop until the border is secure and that includes having a wall on the border.

Or steel slats, right?

#WHBriefing

Q: Will #Trump pardon Roger Stone?

#SHSanders: I'm not aware of that.

#WHBriefing

Q: Does #Trump agree with Rubio that "working with Wikileaks should be a crime?"

#SHSanders: You all do it. I know that every single member of the media looked for their information and reported on it so you're just as culpable in that as anybody else.

#WHBriefing

#SHSanders: Roger Stone has nothing to do with #Trump or his interactions with Congress. The further we get into this the more it proves that it has nothing to do with him.

It's not the interactions with CONGRESS that are being investigated.

#WHBriefing

And after punting a question on Chinese trade, #SHSanders flees the podium with a hasty "see you next time." Looks like today's #WHBriefing is done!

Thanks for reading my #Trump tweets, everybody! I appreciate it!