Thread by @snarke

Oh jeez. I should be threading these #TrumpRally tweets. Okay, that starts now! Here's the thread for your following/muting needs!

It's worth noting that this rally crowd is waving a bunch of campaign-made "Build the Wall" and "Finish the Wall" signs. So that's gonna be a thing we'll have to see in the world now.

Dear Whoever Put the Stones' "Sympathy for the Devil" on the pre-speech playlist,

You are the goddamned best.

<3, Me

#Trump #TrumpRally

Okay. #Trump is taking the stage. Here we go. Anybody got a clicker for the lie-count?

#TrumpRally

They play longer and longer versions of this gorram song (God Bless the USA) at every rally. Ew.

#Trump #TrumpRally

#Trump: I don't know if you heard but today we started building a great big beautiful wall right on the Rio Grande. Right smack on the Rio Grande.

*crowd cheers*

Me: Oh god. This is gonna be terrible.

#TrumpRally

#Trump: I used to get great press, until I decided to run for President.

That's because only your good buddy's National Enquirer was writing about you.

#TrumpRally

#Trump: 69 thousand people signed up to be here today. And the arena only holds 8. But the fire dept let us have 10. But go outside. There are tens of thousands of people outside!

Yeah, and your inaugural crowd was the biggest ever. Period.

#TrumpRally

#Trump, talking about Beto daring to have a rally at the same time as his: "I *might* say that will be the end of his Presidential Bid."

You wish. ...wait. You probably DO wish. Dude almost beat Cruz. He probably terrifies you.

GOOD.

#TrumpRally

#Trump: Did you see? The trade deficit! It went down VERY BIG!

You have the best words.

#TrumpRally

#Trump: Every time we defend a rich country, they should have to help us out. And they're gonna respect us.

Ah. The mob approach to international relations. Gross.

#TrumpRally

Protester count: 1

#Trump #TrumpRally

Protester count: 2

#Trump #TrumpRally

#Trump: The US is now the #1 producer of oil and natural gas on Earth.

Fact check? Anyone? Bueller?

#TrumpRally

Protester count: 3

#Trump #TrumpRally

#Trump, on protesters: Where do these people come from? *does the twirly finger sign thing for crazy* Go home to Mommy. Then you can be punished.

WHAT.

#TrumpRally

Protester count: 4

#Trump #TrumpRally

#Trump: Is there anywhere more fun than a Trump speech?

Yes. Literally Everywhere else is more fun than one of your speeches.

#TrumpRally

#Trump: The world is trying to copy us. They were starting to catch up, but not anymore! Now they're going in the wrong direction.

That's called learning from our mistakes.

#TrumpRally

#Trump, started trying to talk about the Green New Deal, yells a bunch of lies that don't get cheers, immediately segues into yelling about hoaxes and witch hunts.

Oh lord. This is about to go so much farther off the rails.

#TrumpRally

#Trump: The REAL collusion was with Hillary Clinton! And the Democrats! And With Russia! And with others! And there's collusion between the Democrats and the fake news!

Oh jeez.

#TrumpRally

#Trump: Nobody in this room wants to pay 70, 80, 90, 95 percent taxes. Do any of you want to pay all that taxes?

You just learned how to count by 5s and 10s didn't you. You must be so proud.

#TrumpRally

Oh wait, he's trying to yell about the Green New Deal again. Says: "It would shut down air travel! How do you take a train to Europe?"

*cough*dumbass*cough**cough*

#Trump #TrumpRally

#Trump: Some of the most dishonest people in the media are the fact checkers.

There it is, declaring war on actual facts. We knew this day would come.

#TrumpRally

#Trump is now lying about the Virginia Governor threatening to execute a newborn baby.

This is disgusting. Even for Trump.

#TrumpRally

#Trump: Just now they said that progress has been made in Congress. Just so you know, we're building the wall anyway.

ORLY. Do tell.

#TrumpRally

Protester count: 5

#Trump #TrumpRally

#Trump: It's happening. What we're doing now, it's called setting the stage. Setting. the Stage. That's what it's called. Setting the stage.

For what?!

#TrumpRally

#Trump: They have to come in through MERIT!

Me: Okay. Let's start by evaluating you.

#TrumpRally

#Trump: Beto suffered a great defeat!

That's true! Y'know, if you don't know what numbers mean.

Oh wait.

#TrumpRally

#Trump is now trying to spin the shutdown as a good thing: "It showed the world what the hell is happening at our border!"

I think they care more about what's happening in our White House.

#TrumpRally

#Trump: There are so many people coming across our border, and we have nowhere to put them! And they want housing! And for us to build them buildings! And caravan! How about caravan? I think that word's mine.

A) Wrong
B) Wrong
C) Wrong
D) Shut up

#TrumpRally

#Trump: Walls. Save. Lives. Walls. Save. Tremendous. Numbers. Of. Lives.

No?

#TrumpRally

#Trump: My administration has put together a compromise and I hate to even compromise on things like this.

"Things like this" = Everything ever everywhere forever and ever

#TrumpRally

#Trump: The wall really will it will really pay for itself!

Okay, that's gotta get somebody a bingo on their Trump BS card.

#TrumpRally

#Trump: How would I look walking a dog on the White House lawn?

Get to work, meme people!

#TrumpRally

Oh god. #Trump is cycling back to talking about China and trade.

YOU ALREADY DID THIS PART.

#TrumpRally

#Trump: If you look back when we had no debts and too much money... 1888! We had so much money they had to debate about what to do with it all!

I can think of a lot of reasons to *not* party like it's 1888, bro.

#TrumpRally

#Trump: We have medicines now that work wonders on AIDS. Who knew that?

Everybody?

#TrumpRally

#Trump: When I took over this country, er, when I was ELECTED--

Me: Ooooooooh, somebody almost did a boo booooooooooo

#TrumpRally

#Trump: There's always gonna be remnants. They wrap themselves in bombs. They're crazy! Lunatics! But you're always gonna have that! But we've got 100%!!

Waiter, I do not recall ordering this word salad. Can you *please* take it back and THROW IT THE F*CK OUT?

#TrumpRally

#Trump: We believe in the same great traditional values!

Please please please PLEASE let this be him wrapping up this shindig.

#TrumpRally

#Trump: We believe in the words of our glorious Motto! And we love this! We're never gonna change this! Our Motto: In God We Trust.

Uh..........

#TrumpRally

#Trump: We were losing track, but we're getting back on track. We gotta get back on that track. We're not gonna lose track anymore.

Dude is full on babbling. Someone needs to go get him.

#TrumpRally

Okay, here we go, it's the "We will MAKE AMERICA [stuff] AGAIN" bit. Speech is over.

#Trump #TrumpRally

Aaaaaaand, yup! Time for him to wander around clapping for himself. This is his very favorite part!

#Trump #TrumpRally

Thanks for reading my #Trump tweets everybody! I really appreciate it. If you'd like to help pad my post-rally-recovery-milkshake fund, here's a handy link! snarke.net/support