Thread by @msmeganl

This debate about “late-term” and “post-term” abortion has been eating away at me for the last week. I’ve mostly been ignoring it and not arguing with people because this is a topic that hits too close to home for me. I have never had an abortion, but let me explain. 1/

In December 2009, my husband and I were expecting our first child. Our daughter. Her name was Jillian, but we were waiting until her birth to share her name.

It was a Saturday night. We were going to a Christmas party. I was 24 weeks pregnant. Out of nowhere, my water broke. 2/

We rushed to the hospital. I was completely dilated and effaced. Turns out I have an incompetent cervix. The plan was to keep me pregnant and infection free. We had a NICU consult. 3/

It didn’t seem real. I was more worried about getting my laptop to the hospital so I didn’t fall behind on work. A few hours later, my doctor was basically on top of me, trying to find Jillian’s heartbeat on the monitor. 4/

Next thing I knew, I was in an OR, being poked in the side with a yellow cocktail toothpick to see if my spinal was working yet.

Minutes later, my 1lb9oz beautiful baby girl made two soft cries, and was then rushed away so they could try to save her life. 5/

We spent the next 96 hours at Jillian’s bedside, slowly watching her go from pink to yellow to gray. She had a small brain bleed. Then she had a “catastrophic” brain bleed. She was only alive because of machines. She had no brain activity. 6/

We had to decide if we would keep her on machines for as long as her body could take it. She would never know us. She would never speak, walk, think, or anything. We decided to let her go. We didn’t want that “life” for her. 7/

To say it destroyed us is an understatement. I didn’t know how to take my next breath. It was a long, dark road, but we eventually made our way back to the light. We have had two more beautiful, healthy children, but my heart is still taped together 9 years later. 8/

Why am I sharing this in a debate about abortion when obviously i did not have one? Because the parents who are having these procedures that people are calling infanticide are going through the same devastation and grief that my husband and I faced. Our families grieved. 9/

These parents aren’t deciding on a whim that they don’t want a baby anymore. These are wanted, loved, wished for babies. They are sick or dying, or will die as soon as they’re born, and their parents are making a loving choice to avoid any (more) pain or suffering. 10/

We had the same moment of the floor dropping out from under us as the doctors relayed the news that the child we had been imagining would never be. And it hurts like something that only parents who have lost children can understand. 11/

Compared to these women who had to make this awful decisions, I’m lucky. My baby had a chance. I got to hear her two tiny cries. I got to hold her and kiss her and sing to her and hold her in my arms as she died. Again, I am lucky. 12/

Please, stop calling people baby killers. Stop making up terms to make this life-altering decision sound nefarious. Through support groups and online forums, I know many women who have had to have these procedures. 13/

They are grieving just as much as I am, if not more. They deserve compassion, not hatred and lies. 14/14