Thread by @angryseattle

I want to get real with you all about this snow for a minute (thread)

First of all, we are still recovering from the last “snowstorm”. Which wasn’t really a storm. I just suck at cleaning up after it.

Now, there’s two more storms coming. And they’re actual storms. And they will dump some snow.

Some people think it will be a few inches. Some people like Cliff Mass, Patron Saint of Weather Disaster thinks it will be 54.5 inches and 3 tons of frozen octopus.

Regardless, I know one thing to be true.

We. Will. Be. Unprepared.

You see, once upon a time there was this mayor by the name of Greg Nickels.

There was a big snowstorm about 10 years ago. He sanded instead of salted. He plowed his neighborhood first. I was shut down for a week. He was fired.

Things got a little better after that. We ordered a few snow plows. We opened the dictionary and read up on such novel concepts as “road salt” and “road de-icer”.

Yet here we are, ten fucking years later, and Nature can dump a few inches of snow on me and turn me into a frozen abyss of pain.

What the fuck?

Humanity has invented de-icer. Nature has invented salt.

Use it. Use it a lot.

Yes I know I have hills. So what. Use the fucking tools we have and make them safe. Or, if they are crazy like Queen Anne Hill, close them for real and don’t let hipsters in their shitty skis try to slide down.

But no, instead we will throw up our hands like cavepeople to the skies, wondering what we did to anger Rogor, the ancient god of snow.

Meanwhile, Chicago and Boston are looking at me with a side eye and saying “Dude...get your shit together.”

So, citizens, my message to you before the #snowpocalypse is this:

I will be unprepared. Your fellow citizens are going to do stupid shit.

So stay home, drink whiskey, and let the whole thing blow over.

You’re welcome.