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John Bull
@garius
, 13 tweets, 3 min read Read on Twitter
Okay. As promised... THE REES MOGG SONG (Sung to Disney's 'Gaston'):

<At an ERG meeting>

CHRIS CHOPE:

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Rees Mogg,
Looking so down and confused.
Every guy here'd love to be you, Rees Mogg.
Even when failing your coup.
There's no Brexiteer as admired as you.
The Daily Mail’s favourite guy.
The ERG’s awed and inspired by you.
And it's not very hard to see why...
No one's slick as Rees Mogg!
Latin quips like Rees Mogg!
Has opinions antagonistic as Rees Mogg!

For there's no man in town half as manly.
The perfect Tory paragon!
You can ask any Raab, Chope or nanny...
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on!
No one... offshores like Rees Mogg!
Hates the poor like Rees Mogg!
Thinks he’s more than the sum of his parts like Rees Mogg!

REES MOGG:

As a statesmen, oh yes, I'm intimidating

THE ERG:

My what a guy, that Rees Mogg
REES MOGG:

I needed encouragement
Thank you, Chris Chope

CHRIS CHOPE:

Well there's no on as easy to bolster I hope
Too much?

REES MOGG:

Yep.

CHRIS CHOPE:

No one spites like Rees Mogg
Talks ‘men’s rights’ like Rees Mogg
Drags their party as far to the right as Rees Mogg
REES MOGG:

When I write down my views in a paper
My fellow MPs say a prayer
First, I carefully aim for the boomers
And I tell them white lies

CHRIS CHOPE:

Is that fair?

REES MOGG:

I don't care
No one...
Spouts like Rees Mogg!
'Whatabouts' like Rees Mogg!
Believes class as important as smarts as Rees Mogg!

REES MOGG:

I'm especially good when I'm Etonsplaining...

CHRIS CHOPE:

Say it in Latin Rees Mogg!
REES MOGG:

When I was a lad I read Kipling each day
Dreamed of empires British and large
And now that I'm grown my views still haven’t changed
That’s why I push Brexit so hard...
CHRIS CHOPE:

Who has brains like Rees Mogg?
Can mansplain like Rees Mogg!

REES MOGG <interrupts>:

Dreams of succeeding Theresa May like Rees Mogg
I use hatchets in all of my decorating
CHRIS CHOPE:

Say it again!
Who's a man among men?
Who's the super success?
Don't you know, can't you guess?!
Ask his fans and racist hangers-on!
There's one name in the House that the hard right espouse
And that name's R E S...
R E S M O
I believe there's another E
It just occurred to me that I'm illiterate
And I've never actually had to spell it out loud before

REES MOGG!
And there we go. It's a draft (and tracks the version in the LIVE ACTION Beauty), so might change in the book. But I promised I'd share it if we got close to funded. Share the Rees Mogg song far and wide and see if we can get the book over the line today! unbound.com/books/the-brex…
Previous Brexit Disney songs:

Rees Mogg 'Be Prepared':
Cooper/Boles 'Can you feel the love?':
Barnier/Tusk 'Be Our Guest':

And, of course, Michael Gove's version of 'Let it Go':
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More from @garius see all

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John Bull
@garius
Wondering what scenario you'll be playing if you choose the "Play Ministers & Monsters with John Bull" pledge? Well...

~~~ wobbly lines ~~~

Read on...
It's dark and your head is spinning. How did you get here? Where even are you?!

Then you remember: The House of Commons. Your own office. It's recess, but you'd popped back to pick up some papers and then...

Oh God there were ninjas. ERG ninjas.
But why were the ERG ninjas here? Why had they come after YOU? Sure, you're in the Cabinet, but you've deliberately avoided making waves. No bold statements, just eaten the biscuits and followed the whip.

Then you remember: It wasn't YOU they were after.

It was Ken Clarke.
Read 8 tweets
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John Bull
@garius
Okay, so to avoid this getting lost in the new song thread tomorrow, I thought I'd announce a couple of new pledge levels, based on your comments.

First one: A Gove mug upgrade option. unbound.com/books/the-brex…
Now just to note: THERE IS MORE WE INTEND TO ADD TO THE FULL CAMPAIGN PACK. We just can't announce it/show you yet (but soon!).

But if you JUST want the mug and have pledged lower, then at least you've got an interim upgrade path now.
Secondly, I have added something slightly left-field: an organisational pledge.

So you may have noticed I am quite good at telling stories on Twitter 😂 If you would like me to come talk to your team/class/company about how to do that effectively, this pledge is for you!
Read 6 tweets
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John Bull
@garius
Last night we hit 70% funded for The Brexit Tapes. In 4 days! The lovely people at @unbounders tell me that's 👍

For the first time, this feels like it might be real. So I want to share something with you: the dedication. And tell you about two women who helped make me, well, me
So the first person mentioned is @dduane and I have talked about how her books got me reading as a kid before.

I won't rehash that too much, but I was about nine and I read because people EXPECTED me to, not because I wanted to. Then I read her books and they blew me away.
She's had to put up with me tweeting about this already and I've no desire to embarrass her further, when more often these days I get to discuss with her how a dragon would take down a cruise missile. Because Twitter is the fucking best.

It's here though:
Read 25 tweets

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