, 13 tweets, 3 min read Read on Twitter
Suburban Helicopter Moms of the Year
6abc.com/actresses-ceos…
I am NOT going to wear a "Cal State Bakersfield Mom" sweatshirt around Santa Monica
This will certainly help redeem USC's reputation as the University of Spoiled Children
It's tough realizing your kid doesn't have the academic brainpower of Will Ferrell
Here's a wacky idea: what if colleges didn't count your 40 yard dash time or ability to row a boat on their entrance exams
I have never before been prouder of my 3rd rate state college diploma #OttumwaBodyAndFender #GoBondoslappers
I don't know what more embarrassing, when your college charges bribes for admission, or when your college can't charge bribes for admission
LOL Aggies, no bribe market for a 4-year ticket to College Station #HookEm
Instead of ranking colleges by SAT scores, they should rank them by average bribe paid for admission

*it wouldn't change the rankings
Breaking: parents paid Yale football coach $3 million to label 5'3", 120 lb daughter a "football recruit"; daughter destroys Ivy League foes with 3000 yards rushing in freshman season
It's horrible that Yale coaches are taking exorbitant bribes to admit unqualified students, only the Yale administration is supposed to take exorbitant bribes to admit unqualified students
Twitter is the best gauge of how much an Ivy League alum's parents had to bribe their school
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