Thread by @CandiceBenbow

Now that the jokes and memes are out the way, can we really talk about John Gray?

I think it might be time to recognize a lack of emotional integrity and a refusal of any real accountability for harm caused in intimate relationships as a rite of passage for Black male preachers.

Despite the narratives he continuously creates in his defense, his latest scandal ain't about the pressure on him to be perfect and church folks' unwillingness to fully accept him. It ain't even about the consequences -and irony- of going on The Real to lie and be fake.

It's about the belief that "godly" men can do whatever they want and suffer very few consequences. It's about an ideology that suggests the closer a man's ministry is aligned with David (not Jesus), the more anointed and impactful it will be.

It's about the theologies that pit women against each other in a war between the Sanctified and the Slut- believing that whoever ends up with one of these dudes "wins"- when nothing about becoming connected to them is beneficial or healthy.

Too many women repress their sexual selves in pursuit of a holiness they're taught will be rewarded with faithful husbands+beautiful families. And, if they get that, they struggle because it's hard to become your husband's freak when you've been taught those women are "strange".

Then consider sisters who long for intimacy+partnership and are taught their singleness is sin/insufficiency. They encounter "good dudes caught up in difficult situations" and believe them, only to have their vulnerabilities preyed upon and left to church scorn when it's over.

Say what you want about his wife and friend- they both deserve(d) better. But his success as a mega ministry leader is contingent upon him not giving it to them. Be clear: nothing about about this is new. John is just sloppy. Instead of course correction, he'll just tighten up.

John Gray will be fine. He will survive and emerge unscathed. They all do. He, like so many others, will not be held accountable. Because nobody cares about Black women- especially those who should "know better".

But his wife will still be called stupid and everything other than her name. His friend will be dubbed the latest church ho and homewrecker. They will be subject to intense judgement and scrutiny. Because nobody cares about Black women- especially those who should "know better".

Each Sunday, at Redemption and many other churches, Black women run to altars asking God to heal their brokenness. Many of them never know the pastor speaking life into them at that moment is the very reason another sister is at the same altar or not in church anymore at all.

Perhaps, that's the greatest sin in all of this.