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First a cup of tea, then... *sigh* 
The heroine is Polish so we get this charming moment of xenophobia (and oh God there's gonna be a lot of bad broken English dialogue, isn't there?)
Heroine is actually Albanian but broken English still super sketchy. Also I'm almost impressed that James has all the resources in publishing at her disposal but still can't write believable sexual chemistry.
So the heroine is also a victim of sex trafficking. Not sure why the idea of the 50 Shades author tackling such a story has me doing full body shudders.
Fuck you dude, she just told you she's a sex trafficking victim & people are out to get her, but women and their tears, amirite?!
The Mister's version of "she's not like other girls" is that the heroine is still a virgin at 23.
The "unnecessarily holding back information in a futile attempt to add tension" alarm is ringing loud.
EL James has always loved to fetishise wealth & expensive things so I have to wonder if this is paid product placement.
And now I shall ruin your day with the description of the hero's dick.
There are so many descriptions of what music is playing in every scene, so clearly EL is angling for the movie soundtrack already.
Motherfucker gets hard watching a woman eating eggs.
1. "Bursting dick." You should get that seen to, mate.
2. Who doesn't love a snuggling dick?
3. This is like the 6ty time they've done it, she was a virgin before him & he's already counting down the clock for anal. What a charmer.
2. Who doesn't love a snuggling dick?
3. This is like the 6ty time they've done it, she was a virgin before him & he's already counting down the clock for anal. What a charmer.
What kind of astounds me about The Mister is that it's still structured like fan-fic in that it's written like she posted it chapter by chapter with no consideration for pacing. It's one of the reasons it's so deathly dull to read in this form.
71% on and the contrived "you didn't tell me you were an earl" plotline has returned. It's been given more emotional & plot emphasis than the heroine being assaulted by sex traffickers.
Socialism sweetie, I'm so sorry...
The token bitch of this book is the hero's sister-in-law/lover, who he was fucking after his brother died. He used her sexually but how she's the shrew because she thinks it's a bad idea for him to fall for another woman after a few weeks. What a prize this Earl is.
Heroine's POV: Being beaten by her abusive fiance and forced into a car boot.
Hero's POV immediately after this: Boy this is a nice cocktail.
Hero's POV immediately after this: Boy this is a nice cocktail.
"Beating a frantic tattoo." What the hell does that mean?!
Fucking FINISHED.
I don't know if I have any Albanian followers, but I would love to know what they think of James's depiction of the country and its people. It's like an Allo Allo episode trying to be a Mike Leigh movie.
The Mister is not the ethically reprehensible train-wreck 50 Shades is. It's mostly boring but still proves aggravating when James tries to write about issues as serious as sex trafficking and domestic abuse, and she still can't write good sexual tension to save herself.
I'll post my review when it goes up tonight. For now, please enjoy these images of Taika Waititi looking like the kind of irresistible romantic hero EL James could only dream of creating.
