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loving the responses to this bc research I’m currently doing says a lot of domestic violence is rooted in men losing jobs, making less $$, or feeling unneeded bc we live in a patriarchy (and men are expected to be breadwinners) its a blow to their status among friends & family
So while people are saying women are shallow/toxic for not wanting to “date down” (even though the majority of educated black women do, for example), is it really? I think it’s just yet another way of trying to avoid triggering the wrath of the male ego.
Many men CAN NOT handle a partner making significantly more than them, and take out their frustrations by cheating or being emotionally or physically abusive. That’s a risk a woman has to weigh when considering dating down
A woman making more than a man challenges the very notion of patriarchy: how can a man financially “take care” of his family if his wife is beating him to the punch? For men who put heavy stock in traditional gender roles, they feel a diminished sense of self worth
This is one of those times where we try to explain how patriarchy harms men. Men routinely denigrated by racism and classism, living life economically disadvantaged, are shamed for not being the economically sound patriarch who can take care of his home & feel emasculated
And this is why research shows domestic violence (including child and sexual abuse) is more frequent in “traditional” patriarchal homes, because when you strip away economic power and tell a man he’s not a man because of it, he seeks validation via subservience in his own home.
I’ll be expanding on these ideas in an upcoming video and I think this months patreon podcast will touch on this topic too 💕
