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1/ Because NVC believes humans are good, NVC also believes that punishment, guilt, shame, force, and all other punitive measures we use today to “keep people honest” are ineffective in the long-term.
2/ Punishment assumes “badness” on the part of people who behave in certain ways, and it calls for punishment to make them repent and change their behavior.
3/ NVC believes it is in everyone’s interest that people change, not in order to avoid punishment, but because they see the change as benefiting themselves.
4/ You not only want behavior to change, you want their underlying motivations to change. Because you can control short term behavior, if they’re not doing it for the right reasons, then once the power is gone then their behavior will be back to what it used to be.
6/ But don’t you need to punish people who commit crimes, or use the threat punishment to deter people from doing so? Or don’t you need to reward and incentivize people in order for them to do what you want?
7/ It’s interesting how deep rooted this belief is. The underlying philosophy of punishment & reward is that if people are basically evil or selfish, then the correctional process if they are behaving in a way you don’t like is to make them hate themselves for what they have done
8/ If a parent, for example, doesn’t like what the child is doing, the parent says something like ”Say you’re sorry!! The child says, “I’m sorry.” The parent says “No! You’re not really sorry!” Then the child starts to cry “I’m sorry. . .” The parent says “Okay, I forgive you.”
9/ You see, that approach is at the basis of our conflicts with children and with criminals — we’ve been educated to believe that you have to make a person suffer for what they have done, to hate themselves, to be penitent — we even call our prisons penitentiaries.
10/ I think it works just the opposite — the more you get a person to hate themselves, the more they behave in the ways that we don’t like.
11/ Data supports this: Prisons don’t work. They actually make things worse. 2/3 of prisoners go back to prison. They’re more likely to go back to prison than if they hadn’t been to prison in the first place.
12/ NVC suggests that any time a person does what we want out of something other than "play— we pay for it.
We may win the battle, but we'll lose the war.
If you see people as criminals, they’ll become criminals.
We may win the battle, but we'll lose the war.
If you see people as criminals, they’ll become criminals.
13/ NVC says don’t do anything that isn’’t play
Why do we do things today
1- for money
2- for approval
3- escape punishment
4- avoid shame
5- avoid guilt
6- satisfy sense of duty
Why do we do things today
1- for money
2- for approval
3- escape punishment
4- avoid shame
5- avoid guilt
6- satisfy sense of duty
14/ Unfortunately that’s how our judicial system is set up--to punish people and make them suffer for what they’ve done.
That’s why NVC is very strongly supportive of restorative justice and is working with different groups around the world to transform our present system.
That’s why NVC is very strongly supportive of restorative justice and is working with different groups around the world to transform our present system.
