Thread by @HakeemAndrsn

I'm sorry bro. (Thread)

For all the times I lied to you about how I look at women and went home to a beautiful wife and kids whom I showed softness to.

The same lines I used to convince myself in ruining my own goodness.

For seeing you become the conviction in my negative words which you built harmful beliefs on and went ahead to devalue, disregard, disrespect & cheat on your then woman. I'm sorry I helped you break her heart.

I'm sorry for all the women I helped you hurt and break and use and shame and taint and turn away from loving you right. I'm so sorry for wronging you and wronging those who chose you to love and care for.

For not coaching you in the best things but the worst of my own character in desires and lust.

I'm sorry I coached you against fearing love and how I echoed it into the depths of your soul every time you tried to try with someone meaningful.

I apologize for making you doubt her and question her past and how whenever she was insecure, I never encouraged you to stay your ground and show her you're worthy to be trusted.

I'm sorry I never innumerated your great qualities.

How I shat on your ability to be vulnerable and soft when life required you to be and how I shot you down every time you actually showed love and emotion.

Even lovingly towards me from the well of empathy you were.

I threw sand in that in so many ways, you dried up and saw no reason to be full again.

I apologize for not being your keeper and not believing your pain because it reminded me to feel.

I'm sorry for all the parties I suggested we go to so we could drown the loudness of your soul screaming, kicking and crying for God.

I'm sorry we've known each other for so long yet never prayed together bro.

I'm sorry the only reference to the courage we had was rap songs who led us further away from our source.

I apologize for never having a good enough vocabulary to tell you to fix things with your dad and my lack of courage in encouraging you to go for what you loved and dreamed of having and achieving.

I'm remorseful for fearing your success so much and projecting my fear of abandonment on you in such a way that, how I reacted had you feel small for dreaming that big.

I'm sorry I normalised the shattering of your heart and calling it our path. I'm sorry I never hugged you long enough for you to know I love you with all my heart.

I'm sorry for not knowing how to relay your struggles with the kind of perspective you needed at the time you needed perspective when you gained enough courage to come see me and open up.

I love you and I promise to do our love better. I love you because you're my brother and hurts stopped with me so I can come to you and teach what I know so we can meet this world ready for whatever.

I'm not arrogant enough to be blind to the fact that we're all we've got and that we are all we need to be the change we seek in a world bent on breaking us.

We are nothing without love bro. I need you. I love you. I value you. No bullshit. Not anymore.

You are my brother & no matter where you are in life bro, I'm your keeper.

— h.a-l [A Rosewater Essay Excerpt]

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