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Finally a candidate with the courage to stroll in slow-mo wearing casual jeans with his spouse down an idyllic country lane while explaining how he will empower us to save the world from his Hee-Haw barn set
I'm going to open a clothing store in Des Moines that caters exclusively to primary candidates. The only items will be pre-faded jeans, light blue dress shirts with pre-rolled sleeves, and $1500 Italian shoes
Right now, 6 of Tom Steyer's household staff are hard at work attacking a Carhartt barn jacket with belt sanders and chains to give it that authentic-looking Iowa patina
A modern day warrior
Mean, mean stride
Today's Tom Steyer
Mean, mean pride
What you say about his company
Is what you say about society
Catch the witness, catch the wit
Catch the spirit, catch the spit
Mean, mean stride
Today's Tom Steyer
Mean, mean pride
What you say about his company
Is what you say about society
Catch the witness, catch the wit
Catch the spirit, catch the spit
Best Silicon Valley billionaire announcement since the Gavin Belson Signature Box III 
As Tom Steyer's new freelance campaign manager, I am now holding open auditions for rustic pickup trucks and/or dogs
