Thread by @AlexandraErin

The thing that's wild to me about the meme of predatory trans women demanding people date us is that so many of us have internalized the idea we're undesirable to the point admitting attraction to a specific person feels like a transgression against them.

At 39 years old, I wrestle with even *having* a sexuality, as the feeling in the back of my brain is that my attention is unwanted, unclean.

(If you can't figure out what you should say to this, honor that impulse and say nothing. No apologies, no encouragement, no hugs please.)

In my late teens and early 20s I was *ripe* for predation because I had internalized the idea that I had to settle for what I could get... the bad stuff was something I probably deserved, the good stuff the best I could hope for and more than I could expect.

The only celebrities I was comfortable admitting crushes on were men like Jason Statham, who projected very little vulnerability and who I couldn't imagine would suffer being bothered by someone without defending themselves.

This thread brought to you in part by me realizing at 11:00 PM, exhausted and high on DXM, that Marisa Tomei in tight pants is hot as all get out.

I had people asking why I just now in 2019 noticed Kristen Stewart is hot and... it isn't that I thought either of them wasn't?

Bu I did not feel I had license to be attracted to them, I did not feel like their attractiveness - which I was certainly aware of as a cultural phenomenon - was something that was for me to notice.