Thread by @drkatedevlin

I am at my sister’s house in deepest Fermanagh. She and my brother-in-law found a colouring book about dinosaurs in the charity shop.
BUT WAIT! This is no ordinary dinosaur colouring book. This is a Christian home-schooling colouring book. And God made the dinosaurs.

Yes, Adam and Eve hung out with dinosaurs because God created dinosaurs on the *counts on fingers* fifth day of creation (if they were water-dwelling or if they flew) and all the land ones on the sixth day.

Now, that might be tricky, right? Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden but with dinosaurs? No! Because the dinosaurs were vegetarian. As were Adam and Eve. All cool.

I know you’re thinking “but they had big sharp pointy teeth! There must have been running! And screaming!” Well, a knife with a serrated edge is good for turnips too, apparently.

But once Adam and Eve sinned (and that was all Eve’s fault, because blame the women) then the dinosaurs started in-fighting. I don’t know why, but at this point, alongside pictures of Jesus in crown of thorns, there’s a pin-the-tail on the Styracosaurus. Here is a dinosaur arse.

It ends sadly. Dinosaurs died out in the Great Flood. Noah perhaps couldn’t fit them on the Ark. Ahhh! But maybe he did! But only some of them. The rest perished and became fossils.

It ends with the tantalising notion that maybe the dragon worshipped as a god in Babylon was actually a dinosaur, and was pictured on the Ishtar Gate. Some still roam the earth today, as living fossils.

Basically, god gave us dinosaurs and then we went and fecked it up and this is why we can’t have nice things. The End.