Thread by @HannahM_Writes

Okay, one more thread about BDSM romance, then I have to get to work revising my BDSM romance. This one is about research.

When I was both a newbie author and active in the BDSM scene, I had a friend ask me if I'd be willing to read through a manuscript for BDSM red flags. 1/?

The author in question was an EC author (as was I), and pretty popular, and she had a series that was PR with a lot of BDSM elements. And she wanted someone with Real World Experience to read it and tell her if she'd made any major misteps. Which I agreed to do. 2/?

I read four manuscript (I think, it's been a while) and made some suggestions for minor changes (like, don't leave your submissive locked in a tower, chained to the floor, all night without supervision), and she made them and said thanks, and that was all cool. 3/?

Fast forward a year or so and I'm at a con with this writer, who is sitting on a panel of erotica writers, and someone asks about research. Each panelist talked about their process in this area, and then we get to my girl. And she said, "I just used the internet." 4/?

Bitch, no you did not. This was enraging to me on two levels: one, I HELPED YOU MAKE YOUR BOOK BETTER AND WHEN DIRECTLY ASKED HOW YOU DID THAT YOU DID NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THAT CONTRIBUTION. I have never spoken to that woman again, and I never will. But you also just made it...5/?

...harder for other authors to research the same topic. Is there a lot of stuff about kink online? Yeah, and now more than ever. It's less taboo than it was, and there are more resources out in the open. And that's AWESOME. But as much as you can get online, talking to a... 6/?

...real person is almost always better. I'm not saying don't research online, because you absolutely should. But if you have a chance to talk to someone with RWE, you should do that, too. Nuance, emotion, personal experience - these are all things that real people can give...7/?

...you in a way blogs or websites can't. And it's valuable, and enriching. Even if they say nothing you didn't read already, looking into someone's eyes when they tell you about their passion, hearing it in their voice? Ohmigod, there's nothing better. And that goes for...8/?

...any topic, not just BDSM. If you have a character who has a passion, find someone IRL who can talk to you about it. Don't just research different kinds of guitars for your rock star, talk to someone who plays, watch their face while they perform. It's MAGIC, and you...9/?

...WANT that magic for your books.

Now, I know it's not always possible to find the person you need to have this conversation with. But I think you have to try. Hell, just having a conversation on Twitter will work for most things, and these people can give you resources...10/?

...you otherwise might not be aware of.

I had a point here, hang on. Okay.

BDSM writers: If you're in any kind of a city, and you can reasonably and safely do it, find a local club/org to talk to. Go to a munch. See if they mind if you come to a party or two. Be up front...11/?

...about why you're there and what you want to learn and how you plan to write about it. Kinksters want you to write about their communities WELL, they want to be shown as people, and they will most likely be happy to help you do it. And if and when they do? DO NOT...12/?

...I repeat, DO NOT gloss over their contributions to your work. You don't have to call them by name (and probably shouldn't), but when asked, a simple, "I talked to real people and they were awesome" will suffice.

And my DMs are open - talk to me.