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Imagine PM of India Narendra Modi taking Bear Grylls on a tour of India.
A spoof of the same has been made here:
Starts at 14:03. For impatient people, skip to 15:52.
Just in case you don't understand Tamil, I shall give a jest of the same in a thread.
A spoof of the same has been made here:
Starts at 14:03. For impatient people, skip to 15:52.
Just in case you don't understand Tamil, I shall give a jest of the same in a thread.
Scene 1: Bear Grylls waits in a forest.
BG: Welcome everyone, I'm Bear Grylls. I've served in the British military for 12 years. Today I told a Gujarati that I was bored of trekking through forests all the time so he promised to show me around India. Now I'm waiting for him.
BG: Welcome everyone, I'm Bear Grylls. I've served in the British military for 12 years. Today I told a Gujarati that I was bored of trekking through forests all the time so he promised to show me around India. Now I'm waiting for him.
*A helicopter lands below and PM of India Narendra Modi arrives.*
NM: Bear Grylls, welcome! Let me complete my dialogue.
*looking above* Who pushed me from the helicopter?
*pointing to Bear Grylls* My voice is too low, you must save the show today.
BG: I'm Bear Grylls....
NM: Bear Grylls, welcome! Let me complete my dialogue.
*looking above* Who pushed me from the helicopter?
*pointing to Bear Grylls* My voice is too low, you must save the show today.
BG: I'm Bear Grylls....
BG: I served in the British military for 12 years.
NM: *looking at the camera* Which camera is on? *poses for camera*
BG: Welcome again.
NM: Welcome, welcome. May I tell you a story Bear Grylls?
BG: But, everything you say otherwise is a story, right?
NM: In a town....
NM: *looking at the camera* Which camera is on? *poses for camera*
BG: Welcome again.
NM: Welcome, welcome. May I tell you a story Bear Grylls?
BG: But, everything you say otherwise is a story, right?
NM: In a town....
BG: That is, how you won the polls by tampering EVMs, that story right?
NM: We don't want that. That isn't the story.
Bear ji, before we roam the forests, we need some things to survive in the forest.
BG: Which ones are you talking about?
NM: First I give you this equipment.
NM: We don't want that. That isn't the story.
Bear ji, before we roam the forests, we need some things to survive in the forest.
BG: Which ones are you talking about?
NM: First I give you this equipment.
*Narendra Modi hands over a bottle of purified cow urine to Bear Grylls.*
NM: Keep it safely in your bag.
BG: Wow. Is this a protein shake?
NM: No, I'll say it in the end. So shall we go?
BG: Okay but before that, when the Pulwama attack happened that day, you didn't care....
NM: Keep it safely in your bag.
BG: Wow. Is this a protein shake?
NM: No, I'll say it in the end. So shall we go?
BG: Okay but before that, when the Pulwama attack happened that day, you didn't care....
that your own army men died, but you cooperated and continued shooting for our show. I want to thank you for that.
NM: *laughs* Come Bear ji, come. Come to Hindustan.
NM: *laughs* Come Bear ji, come. Come to Hindustan.
Scene 2: Saffron states - part 1. 15:57 in the video.
NM: Son Bear, these are what we call saffron states. We rule here and everybody's happy.
BG: *stumbles* Yes ji, these ARE saffron states. Look at ALL the paan parag spit EVERYWHERE!
NM: No Bear beta, don't say that.
NM: Son Bear, these are what we call saffron states. We rule here and everybody's happy.
BG: *stumbles* Yes ji, these ARE saffron states. Look at ALL the paan parag spit EVERYWHERE!
NM: No Bear beta, don't say that.
*sound of mobs running*
NM: One minute, I hear the loud sound of mobs running, Bear beta, go and hide! Go and hide there!
BG: But you're....
NM: There's no time to speak, go hide there!
BG: Ji, why are you afraid of your own followers?
NM: That's how it is. I forgot that/
NM: One minute, I hear the loud sound of mobs running, Bear beta, go and hide! Go and hide there!
BG: But you're....
NM: There's no time to speak, go hide there!
BG: Ji, why are you afraid of your own followers?
NM: That's how it is. I forgot that/
NM: dialogue, now go and hide.
*Bear Grylls hides, very soon, a mob finds him and starts lynching him. They force him to say Jai Sri Ram loudly.*
Mob: Say Jai Sri Ram.
BG: What is that? A password?
*Mob continues lynching and forcing him to say Jai Sri Ram.*
*Narendra Modi/*
*Bear Grylls hides, very soon, a mob finds him and starts lynching him. They force him to say Jai Sri Ram loudly.*
Mob: Say Jai Sri Ram.
BG: What is that? A password?
*Mob continues lynching and forcing him to say Jai Sri Ram.*
*Narendra Modi/*
*finally intervenes and tells them to leave.*
NM: What happened?
BG: They beat me up.
NM: Okay come.
BG: Why did you run away when I was in danger?
NM: What did I tell you man? You're losing your tone. Repeat in a proper tone.
BG: Ji, why did you run away when I was in....
NM: What happened?
BG: They beat me up.
NM: Okay come.
BG: Why did you run away when I was in danger?
NM: What did I tell you man? You're losing your tone. Repeat in a proper tone.
BG: Ji, why did you run away when I was in....
BG: Danger? I got scared!
NM: You got scared right? This is a small test of survival in this country. I kept it to ensure you survived.
BG: 4 guys came and forced me to say something. They hit me hard and forced me to say it so I said it.
NM: The prime survival technique....
NM: You got scared right? This is a small test of survival in this country. I kept it to ensure you survived.
BG: 4 guys came and forced me to say something. They hit me hard and forced me to say it so I said it.
NM: The prime survival technique....
in this country is exactly that. When somebody asks you to say something, you must say it. Boliye....
BG: Jai Sri Ram.
NM: This is what I say bear, when you get smacked, neither will small bhaiyya nor big bhaiyya will come to help. Okay come....
BG: Jai Sri Ram.
NM: This is what I say bear, when you get smacked, neither will small bhaiyya nor big bhaiyya will come to help. Okay come....
Scene 3: Saffron states - part 2. Prime focus on UP. 18:03 in the video.
NM: Bear, be careful. This is the worst place in the entire country. And very dangerous too. Okay? Here, there's no rule of law. Everywhere there's murder, theft, disease. Very dangerous state.
NM: Bear, be careful. This is the worst place in the entire country. And very dangerous too. Okay? Here, there's no rule of law. Everywhere there's murder, theft, disease. Very dangerous state.
BG: Ji, since you yourself said it, this must be a very bad place. Okay, this isn't a state ruled by your party, right?
NM: Ha ha, wah, YOU IDIOT, I DETAILED IT SO MUCH, THIS IS OUR STATE! UNDER OUR RULE!
*gunshots*
NM: Hey, duck and go under!
BG: Ji, what's happening here?!?
NM: Ha ha, wah, YOU IDIOT, I DETAILED IT SO MUCH, THIS IS OUR STATE! UNDER OUR RULE!
*gunshots*
NM: Hey, duck and go under!
BG: Ji, what's happening here?!?
NM: Nothing, I told you this is a lawless state right? There's too much trouble so Yogi is conducting encounters.
BG: Oh.
NM: *At Yogi's cops* HEY, IT'S ME! DON'T FIRE!
BG: Jai Sri Ram.
NM: Jai Sri Ram? No, wait.
*at cops* OKAY OKAY STOP STOP, I'M THERE.
Okay get up Bear.
BG: Oh.
NM: *At Yogi's cops* HEY, IT'S ME! DON'T FIRE!
BG: Jai Sri Ram.
NM: Jai Sri Ram? No, wait.
*at cops* OKAY OKAY STOP STOP, I'M THERE.
Okay get up Bear.
BG: Ji, what's there, why are women crying while carrying their children?
NM: That's nothing yaar, those children died due to lack of oxygen supply in the hospital. Poor Yogi, what will he do? Will he focus on saving cows, or will he supply oxygen to these kids?
BG: Just like/
NM: That's nothing yaar, those children died due to lack of oxygen supply in the hospital. Poor Yogi, what will he do? Will he focus on saving cows, or will he supply oxygen to these kids?
BG: Just like/
BG: You said before, this is really the worst place ji, Modi ji.
NM: True true true. Good. BOLIYE....
BG: Jai Sri Ram.
NM: Good.
BG: Modi ji, are there NO GOOD PEOPLE in your country?
NM: Why not? I'll show you a top class good woman.
My political progeny. Come here!
NM: True true true. Good. BOLIYE....
BG: Jai Sri Ram.
NM: Good.
BG: Modi ji, are there NO GOOD PEOPLE in your country?
NM: Why not? I'll show you a top class good woman.
My political progeny. Come here!
*Sadhvi Pragya Thakur arrives.*
NM: Come fast.
BG: What a charming personality.
NM: My political progeny. Meet Pragya.
BG: Namaste.
NM: How is she? Is she divine?
BG: Yes.
BG: Modi ji, she looks so divine that I feel like holding my hands folded. What did she do?
NM: Come fast.
BG: What a charming personality.
NM: My political progeny. Meet Pragya.
BG: Namaste.
NM: How is she? Is she divine?
BG: Yes.
BG: Modi ji, she looks so divine that I feel like holding my hands folded. What did she do?
NM: She did nothing, she just threw a small bomb, the total city was burned down.
BG: Oh my god! Who died in the attack?
NM: Not much. Many Hindus died. She kills without partialty.
BG: Didn't you report to the police?
NM: What police? Idiot, why should we hand her over....
BG: Oh my god! Who died in the attack?
NM: Not much. Many Hindus died. She kills without partialty.
BG: Didn't you report to the police?
NM: What police? Idiot, why should we hand her over....
NM: To the police? We've given her an MP seat and also Aashirwad (blessings). Very soon, we're gonna give her a ministerial post.
*at Pragya* Way to go my progeny!
SPT: Jai Sri Ram. Jai Sri Ram. Jai Sri Ram. *Pragya leaves*
NM: Okay, don't act, just go!
BG: Now when somebody/
*at Pragya* Way to go my progeny!
SPT: Jai Sri Ram. Jai Sri Ram. Jai Sri Ram. *Pragya leaves*
NM: Okay, don't act, just go!
BG: Now when somebody/
BG: says Jai Sri Ram, I get a light feeling of trembling.
NM: Good. BOLIYE....
BG: Jai Sri Ram.
BG: Okay, Modi ji, I'm very hungry. I'm also very tired after the mob attack. Had I been in a forest, I'd have known what to do. Now I'm in a country. I don't know what to eat.
NM: Good. BOLIYE....
BG: Jai Sri Ram.
BG: Okay, Modi ji, I'm very hungry. I'm also very tired after the mob attack. Had I been in a forest, I'd have known what to do. Now I'm in a country. I don't know what to eat.
BG: Nearby, only you're there.
NM: HEY, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
BG: Ah would any human ever eat you? Please get me something to eat.
NM: Not difficult. Not difficult Bear. I'll get something for you. Take care.
*Narendra Modi leaves.*
*Bear Grylls gets a chicken leg piece*
NM: HEY, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
BG: Ah would any human ever eat you? Please get me something to eat.
NM: Not difficult. Not difficult Bear. I'll get something for you. Take care.
*Narendra Modi leaves.*
*Bear Grylls gets a chicken leg piece*
BG: Thank goodness. I thought I'd never get anything to eat after trusting this fellow and coming to this place. Thank god a chicken stall was open. This (leg piece) has rich protein.
*A mob approaches Bear Grylls.*
Mob: Hey, hey, what's this?!?
BG: Chicken leg piece.
*A mob approaches Bear Grylls.*
Mob: Hey, hey, what's this?!?
BG: Chicken leg piece.
Mob: Hey, he holds beef!
*Mob starts lynching Bear Grylls again.*
BG: Hey, this is a chicken leg piece.
*Mob refuses to listen, accusing him of eating beef and continues to lynch.*
BG: I've survived in a lot of forests. I don't think I'll survive in this country.
*Mob starts lynching Bear Grylls again.*
BG: Hey, this is a chicken leg piece.
*Mob refuses to listen, accusing him of eating beef and continues to lynch.*
BG: I've survived in a lot of forests. I don't think I'll survive in this country.
*Narendra Modi returns with Dhoklas in hand.*
NM: What happened Bear? Did you faint due to hunger? *helps Bear Grylls up* Here, pure Gujarati Dhokla.
BG: You're really.... every time you leave, mobs come to beat me up! And you're telling me to eat without even bothering!
NM: What happened Bear? Did you faint due to hunger? *helps Bear Grylls up* Here, pure Gujarati Dhokla.
BG: You're really.... every time you leave, mobs come to beat me up! And you're telling me to eat without even bothering!
NM: What, Mr. Bear? You lost your voice? Okay, you lost it in emotions. *Bear Grylls recovers his voice* Okay.
NM: Yes, what did you do? Our boys are ones who, when they see a pigeon, give a peace symbol. Why did you irritate them?!?
BG: I only bought this chicken leg piece.
NM: Yes, what did you do? Our boys are ones who, when they see a pigeon, give a peace symbol. Why did you irritate them?!?
BG: I only bought this chicken leg piece.
*Narendra Modi holds Bear Grylls' hand in shock*
NM: OH NO, WHAT IS THIS? WHY ARE YOU HOLDING A COW'S LEG IN YOUR HAND?!?
BG: Hey, why are all of you thinking the same way?!? This is a chicken's leg piece!
NM: Hey enemy, you committed a crime! To wash off your sin, where's/
NM: OH NO, WHAT IS THIS? WHY ARE YOU HOLDING A COW'S LEG IN YOUR HAND?!?
BG: Hey, why are all of you thinking the same way?!? This is a chicken's leg piece!
NM: Hey enemy, you committed a crime! To wash off your sin, where's/
the bottle I gave you?!?
BG: Here it is.
NM: Take it and drink from it to purify yourself!
BG: Thanks.
*Bear Grylls struggles to drink*
NM: What happened?
BG: Why does it taste so odd?
NM: Cow urine. Purified cow urine.
BG: *pukes*
NM: What?!? You eat insects and worms/
BG: Here it is.
NM: Take it and drink from it to purify yourself!
BG: Thanks.
*Bear Grylls struggles to drink*
NM: What happened?
BG: Why does it taste so odd?
NM: Cow urine. Purified cow urine.
BG: *pukes*
NM: What?!? You eat insects and worms/
when going to the forests and also your own urine, why do you puke now?
BG: This is cow urine man!
NM: But it's purified and used for cancer treatment!
NM: Come here. Give me that chicken leg piece. Go!
BG: That's protein! Protein!
BG: This is cow urine man!
NM: But it's purified and used for cancer treatment!
NM: Come here. Give me that chicken leg piece. Go!
BG: That's protein! Protein!
Scene 4: Beyond North India. 23:17 in the video.
BG: Modi ji, we've visited the whole of North India. It was awful and frightening.
NM: So?
BG: So I'm going to take you to another place.
NM: Where? South Africa?
BG: No, South India!
NM: Oh, no man, no no no! I won't come!
BG: Modi ji, we've visited the whole of North India. It was awful and frightening.
NM: So?
BG: So I'm going to take you to another place.
NM: Where? South Africa?
BG: No, South India!
NM: Oh, no man, no no no! I won't come!
BG: You must come!
NM: No! If I go there, they'll fly black balloons at me!
BG: No, you should come!
NM: When I went there once, I had to demolish a wall and go in a car! It's very impossible man!
*Narendra Modi protests vehemently at the very thought of going South.*
NM: No! If I go there, they'll fly black balloons at me!
BG: No, you should come!
NM: When I went there once, I had to demolish a wall and go in a car! It's very impossible man!
*Narendra Modi protests vehemently at the very thought of going South.*
BG: Dear viewers, I'm Bear Grylls. I'm going to teach Modi ji how to live with dignity and self-respect like South Indians do.
NM: What man, you're amplifying your voice? I'M NOT COMING! BOLIYE....
BG: Come on Modi ji!
NM: BOLIYE....
BG: Come on!
**End of spoof.**
NM: What man, you're amplifying your voice? I'M NOT COMING! BOLIYE....
BG: Come on Modi ji!
NM: BOLIYE....
BG: Come on!
**End of spoof.**
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