Thread by @DrOlusesan

MEN ONLY: DADDY, OPEN THE DOOR!
My man got mad after he said his kids are always knocking, asking him to open the door, when he is hanging leg, and another person replied, your children have turned you to #AtikuIsComing
This is the ordeal, if you dont teach kids to be without u.

I know a family from afar, where the aged parents still service the daily expenses of their eldest child; a man in his 50s. We were neighbours where I grew up in Surulere. Here's a practical case of parents who only lived for their children, and never learnt to be without them.

Their eldest child that I referred to, seem to me the most profligate man on earth. There was no business built and handed over to him by his parents that he didn't ruin, despite that he started two homes, each with kids and two different women, for his parents to cater for.

His mum seem to me a typical Nigerian parent with an uncanny competitive spirit, who anxiously step in to aid their wards, where such children should have been left to find their feet amongst peers. I ran into her recently and she said, "it looks like you are doing well." 🙂

Then, she began a long litany of how well her children are doing too, from an inferiority complex stand point. She ended with info, she was coming from the property that was just completed for the kids. By her kids, she's referring to men, who are above 45yrs. Some mothers 😖

Mama and her husband are old, and their biggest fear is being alone without the children, offering material incentives to the one that agreed to live in with them at 48yrs, with a wife and children. The gossip is, each time the fella needs money, he threatens to move out.

Many of us, today too, have failed to reckon with the reality, that the nudging we give to our children, under auspices of acting like a contemporary westernized parents are unsustainable.
Its sometimes not love. We are just living our fantasies through them.

For privacy, I wont dwell on how mama's propensity impacted the union between her and a father that's making all the financial sacrifices. As parents, you can lavish your entire lifetime micromanaging your kid's wellbeing, to the point of an obsession, that will kill you.

I shocked a white school counselor, who doesn't know the nature of my job, that was insisting on the number of hours I should spend playing with my kids. I told her bluntly, "I'm their father, not their friend. They should play with their mates." She left upset, and I no send. 🤣

My perspective is this. Be a friendly father. Play with your kids. But note, what is play with them is work for you, even if we find enjoyment in it. In playing, your mind prowls on guidance. You are calibrating behaviour; measuring aptitude; prying into their inner mindset. 😅

This isn't the same as watching soccer, bantering on twitter, or having afternoon sex, instead of following the footsteps of your forefathers, until midnight, when the kids are asleep.
Buy bicycles or video game for these children and go seek your fun, alone or with your spouse.

I met a guy who has been working in London in ~15yrs and haven't entered London Eye. Some daddies here have never entered Silverbird Cinema before because of school fees. 🤣
At times, your finances can accommodate this indulgence, but we are too contemplative. "Ema ma Calcu.. 🤔

For us Christians, It is spiritual sycophancy, if you cant buy and eat double decker Pizza, with a bottle of 'orobo' Pepsi, after paying school fees, and yet, when there's an altar call for a special offering after you don pay tithe, na you they always first jump forward.

Many homes are pursuing family bonding, at the detriment of what makes individual members happy. And women have a way of drumming this up at odd times. They won't complain about soccer at ManU vs Wolves, until there's a London derby. Iya omo, you will sleep there. 🤣

There are people who have homes in Lagos, who sometimes check-in into hotels in Lagos. I use to think this is wasteful.
Be mindful of obsessive and unhealthy deprivation 'for the sake of the children.'
Importantly, this message isn't for dead beat daddies and loafers here. 😅

This thread was triggered by a man going on Salah holiday, who wants to leave his kids with a friend. His excuse is "emi ati iya yi fe lo para wa si hotel kan ni." I.e "me and my wife want to go and kill ourselves in one hotel." His friend demanded for his will.
#EidAlAdhaMubarak