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CAVEAT: The stories I tell are factions; a mixture of facts & fiction. What is fact/fiction is only known to me. Names & incidences do not represent actual persons/experiences.

1. This lady got into her car parked at the shopping complex & was reversing when she heard
2. a bang, she had hit a car behind her. It turns out that someone was already trying to maneuver out of his parking space when she hit his car with her rear end. The man came down first to check the extent of damage on his car before she eventually came down. "Madam, I had
3. already started moving out before you got into your car na, you should have waited just a few more seconds so I can drive off to give you space to come out" the man said. "I didn't see you oo" she replied. "How can you say you didn't see me? What is your rear view mirror for?
4. Oya see what you have caused! All these people who jump on a steering without properly learning how to drive" he said while still bending down & looking at the dent on his car. "What do you mean? Are you saying I do not know how to drive? Look at this idiot? Do you know how
5. many years I have been driving? So if we talk about people driving you will come out with this your useless purewater of a car?" She didn't stop at that "foolish boy! How much is that thing you call a car sef? Is it up to one million? The money used in clearing my car will
6. buy yours twice. Its not your fault sha, I have your type in my house I am feeding. Even my husband wont buy this useless car for any of his boys. Abeg take this nonsense away from here let me drive off" she continued. At this time a small crowd had started to gather within
7. the car park of the shopping complex. The man she hit his car was still calm while trying to hit out the dent in his car, he responded "madam just tell your husband to teach you how to drive properly. If possible he should get you a smaller car because right now you aren't
8. meant to drive anything big. He should also teach you manners, you do not go about talking to people like this." At this point the lady walks to her car, opens the backdoor & picks up one of her heels. She now walks to the man who is crouched still looking at his dented car
9. & slams the sharp end of the heel on his head. The man screams as blood starts gushing from a gash on his head. "Look at this fool! Do you know me? Are you mad? How dare you talk to me like that? I will teach you a lesson today" she says. At this point spectators are now
10. holding both the man & woman. The man isn't making an effort to hit her back instead he is trying to control the blood from his wound while the woman is lashing out furiously & asking people to leave her alone so she can deal with the man. Then she starts shouting "Musa!
11. Musa! Close the gate! Nobody will drive out of this complex today! Shebi you say my husband should teach me manners? I will call him so you can tell him yourself! Oloshi!" She then brings out her phone & starts making a call. Seconds later she is heard talking on the phone
12. "honey...honey please come ooo! One stupid boy just hit my car & instead of being sorry, he started insulting me & my husband. He even has tried to beat me if not for the security men at the complex! Yes they have closed the gate, I told them to make sure he does not leave
13. until you get here!" She is talking & crying at the same time. One would think the man had touched her while he didn't lay a single finger on her. By this time the spectators had started pleading with her to allow the man go. "Madam forget this matter, just take am say na
14. temptation. You no reach this boy anywhere no need to bring yourself to his level" one of them said. A lady who rented a shop in the complex comes out & says "madam show am pepper! All these yeye men wey feel like they can talk to any woman anyhow. Foolish man."
15. Meanwhile the man had retreated from the gathering crowd & could be seen speaking into his phone. He speaks for a few minutes & then hangs up. Just as he hung up, 4 cars drive right in front of the complex; a Gwagon, one toyota hilux & two lexus SUVs. Men start jumping down
16. from the vehicles almost immediately. Madam sees them & walks towards the man who drove the Gwagon; "honey see the bastard there!" Without waiting for any explanation 'honey' & his gang pounce on the man & start beating him up! The man actually put up a good fight but one
17. man against six was surely going to end only one way. By now more people had gathered & begging 'honey', madam & the gang to take it easy before they killed the poor guy. After minutes of begging, they eventually left him. Then 'honey' says "next time you mind how you talk
18. to people! Do you know who I am? I am the Aka ji egbe 1 of Ihitte Uboma! This complex you see, belongs to me! Nobody in the whole of this area that doesn't know me! The Baale of this area comes to my house & I dash him money! The Oba cannot make a decision without consulting
19. me! Who are you? Idiot! Small boy! Even my boys who I settled last week are better than you!" He kept going on & on with invective's! Then I observed that the man they had beaten took out his phone to pick a call, he puts the phone to his ear & walks towards the entrance of
20. the complex. One hand holding the phone to his ear, the other hand gesticulating frantically. Then I looked down the road to see if I could make out who he was waving at then I saw THEM! Ghen Ghen! Film was about to start! Lo & behold I could see men wearing camouflages &
21. carrying assault rifles jogging to the scene. I look ahead & I saw a TATA truck painted in green color of the army! The truck was having a hard time getting to the complex because of traffic so some men had to jump down & jog to the place. As the men get to the front of the
22. complex they walk straight to the man & they all salute! One of the soldiers had the rank of sergeant on his uniform, that one spoke "oga wetin happen? This one blood full your body with wound for head 'me ya faru'(what happened)?" He replies "wannan mata ta kira mijinta...
23. sun fara doke ni (this woman calls her husband & just like that they started beating me!" He now walks with the soldiers to where the man & the crowd now were looking at him with surprise written all over their faces. "You asked who I am sir? Well my name is lieutenant
24. colonel Ismaila Njoku." "Grab all of them" he orders! Before 'honey' could utter a word, a tooth was flying out of his mouth as the butt of a rifle was slammed into his face! At this juncture the TATA truck had arrived the complex with more men jumping down from behind.
25. The complex now is surrounded by men in uniform carrying rifles. Each of them that comes down, salutes the small oga! The sergeant has now made 'honey' and his band of merrymen to all lie down on the ground while people now turn to beg the 'small lieutenant colonel'.
26. After so much begging, the officer calls the sergeant aside & whispers something to him. The sergeant then goes back to where 'honey' is lying down & says "oya stand up! climb on top the bonnet of your jeep lie down there! All the men here go flog you & your boys 3 lashes
27. each!" I estimated the total number of men to be about 20! At that moment madam falls down on the ground & starts wailing! The poor lady was rolling on the floor & crying uncontrollably! People were trying to calm her down while some were trying to reason with the officer.
28. The officer said either he takes 3 lashes from each of his men right there & they end the matter or they take them all to their base to discipline them there! After a few minutes of back & forth negotiations to no avail, 'honey' & his men ended up having their asses/back
29. whooped with koboko by approximately 20 soldiers!

My people make una dey careful both offline & online with 'do you know who I am?' One day you go ask that question and person go give you answer wey you no go believe!

The End.
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