Thread by @cmclymer

Tonight, my friend reminded me of a random conversation I had last year with a complete stranger that I've told several of my friends but not folks on here. I've thought about it a lot since then but never took the time to put it in a thread. So, here goes... (thread)

About a year ago, it's late night in D.C, and I walk past this building on the way to the Metro. Security guard happens to be standing outside.

He calls out to me.

"Excuse me, Ma'am? I don't want this to come across as rude, and please forgive me if I'm overstepping my bounds, but would it be okay if I ask you a question?"

"That depends."

He wants to know what "transgender" means. It turns out he's a grizzled old Army veteran who's turning 50 next month and now in private security.

I am... not exactly thrilled by random questions from strangers on the street about my gender identity because they're not usually asked in good faith.

But this gentleman is so very respectful and sweet in asking that I feel compelled to answer, and I'm glad I did.

We proceed to have a 90-min long Q&A about sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity, and how all these things are separate aspects of a person and shouldn't be conflated.

I gave him Introduction to Gender & Sexuality in 90 minutes.

He wanted to know all the terms so he wouldn't get them wrong. He had all these questions--all respectful--about what this or that means.

It was like having a very eager student who really wanted to understand all of it. He had a rare good faith curiosity about him.

We talked about the Army and he was taken aback when he learned I'm infantry. That an infantry soldier, someone he respected, could be transgender. It wasn't disrespectful. It was more revelatory to him. He hadn't considered this before.

And that's when he hits me with this:

"I've just been wondering, lately. I love women, but sometimes, in the back of my mind, I wonder about men. Is that weird?"

And so, we talk at length about how human sexuality is complex, and I assure him his feelings are completely healthy and certainly not definitive, but if they were, that's okay, too. That he didn't have to put himself in any sort of box. Just respect how others define themselves.

And he seemed so relieved by all of this. Like an enormous weight had been taken off his shoulders. He had been struggling with this for so long and didn't know who to talk to or what exactly to ask. He thanked me at the end of our convo. He clearly felt so much better.

I wound up missing the Metro and took a ride share, which was completely worth it. That night has made think so often about how I wish good faith being present in these discussions were a given and not a novelty. How our differences could inspire unity, not dissolve it. /thread

Postscript: “grizzled old army sergeant” is military parlance. I would never think of 50 as a “grizzled” age. More than anything, “grizzled” is a state of being. Trust me. 😂