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being around judgmental people makes you more judgmental
sneering is viral. it's a coercive power dynamic: join in, and you too feel superior. refuse, and you implicitly join the target of ridicule.
it's very hard to avoid when it's around you. it's so much harder to be kind.
sneering is viral. it's a coercive power dynamic: join in, and you too feel superior. refuse, and you implicitly join the target of ridicule.
it's very hard to avoid when it's around you. it's so much harder to be kind.
i have discovered repeatedly in my life that refusing to be around people who sneer and look down on others makes me a better, kinder person. i have seen the ways that being pulled into that networks of judgement, which all eventually self-cannibalize, makes me more of a jerk.
it's a slow, repeated process to learn when you just need to walk away, but sometimes, that's all you can do. people who exhibit this behavior get caught in a web. you can't be kind to objects of ridicule, because then all your friends will sneer at you, too. it keeps you in.
it's channer bullshit, and it's high school, mean girls, clique-y bullshit. sadly, queer communities are no more immune to this than any other, and plenty of us come out of those environments and haven't fully kicked the behaviors.
the only person i've known to ever kick that habit hard and fast only did so because everyone in their life got tired of it and just dropped them, and they had the decency and introspection to realize they had to do something about it & used the solitude as foundation for growth
people who are wrapped up in self-reinforcing networks of that behavior? i wish i had a better answer for how to help them. please. feel free to drop suggestions in the replies to this thread. i know demonstrating better ways of being and building spaces where that kind of
sneering isn't seen as acceptable is definitely a step forward. but i've definitely learned from experience that there's a point where just one or two of those people can bring kind people around them down to their level. there are times you need to just walk away.
paraphrasing the eloquent @ForkWords: if you don't like the person a friendship is making you into, you have the responsibility to leave
and i not entirely equivalent but definitely not unrelated note, here's a reminder to re-read and re-remind yourself of this good tweet
also: if anyone sneers at you for being too earnest or caring too much, consider that a massive red flag. the communities i inhabit have definitely pushed back against irony-poisoning over the years, but it's certainly not dead, and it's just as much of a gateway drug as ever.
if someone makes you feel afraid to care too much about something, they'll eat away at the parts of you that care about anything, until you're afraid to care at all, lest someone sneer at you for it. be genuine, be kind, be whole, and beware people who judge you for it.
consider buying my dorky, extremely sincere concept album ig
also i write about politics and have a big piece in the works
