Just met with the brand new coordination team of my women's network *jumps around excitedly*
One woman who recently organised an event said her boss told her: "I'm sure it was awful. A room full of only women."
The event was on benevolent sexism.
One woman who recently organised an event said her boss told her: "I'm sure it was awful. A room full of only women."
The event was on benevolent sexism.
The man is clearly afraid of women. It made me wonder why men feel so threatened by women, and only women, gathering in one place.
I remarked that he, as a man, has never nor will he ever be in a room of only women, so he has no idea what that's like. As soon as he enters the room, the ambiance will change. Women will act differently when there's a man in the room. Men don't know.
Unless of course, the women don't know they're there. So could that be behind this obsession some men have with using women's toilets perhaps? The fascination with and fear of women-only spaces? Wanting to know what happens behind closed doors, when women think no man hears them?
If they use women's toilets they get to lock themselves in a cubicle and listen to what women say and do. There's a definite sexual element to that. Some men masturbate to the sound of women or girls peeing or opening tampon wrappers.
A good part of the internet is filled with illicit images of women in toilets and other intimate spaces, filmed or photographed without their knowledge. The surreptitiousness is part of the sexual thrill. Knowing the woman or girl doesn't know gives the men a sense of power.
Back to the man who said a room full of women must be "awful". He probably wouldn't want to hide in a women-only space to see or hear women without their knowledge. He clearly hates women. But he hates it even more if they get together in a space that he can't control.
You'd think men who hate women want to stay far away from them. But no. They have girlfriends, wives, daughters, female friends and co-workers. They don't hate the presence of women, they hate women who aren't controlled by men.
The women in their lives they control, or try to anyway. They are abusive to their wives and daughters, control their comings and goings, tell them what to do and what not to do.
Their sexual partners they control through sex. Their female friends and co-workers they control through sexism - aided by institutional sexism. They are not a threat because society is built on the notion of their inferiority and men's superiority.
What they can't control is women who are outside their grasp and view. They know instinctively women who gather without men present constitute a danger. This is why men act jealous towards their partners, try to control their daughters, speak over their co-workers.
It's why men harass and catcall women and girls who go out in public without a male "chaperone". The chaperone is presumed to control the woman. A woman or girl who goes out without a male chaperone needs to be reminded that men are in control, always.
So when women are together in one space where men can't enter, men know they can't control them. Women are free to act and speak as they like. They are not 'under his eye', the phrase used by handmaids in The Handmaid's Tale.
'His eye' constitutes the male gaze in a patriarchal society. It is the constant control of women, not only by individual men but by the institutions men have built for that purpose. The UK has now criminalised the use of the word 'woman' without including men.
Women all over the world are being told we cannot meet in women-only spaces anymore. Not even in the most intimate of spaces - where we undress - are we safe from men.
Most women's rights battles have started with a conversation between two or more women. An incident. An idea. The realisation "We need to fight". As women have fought and won their rights, men have got more and more fearful.
They know women gathering without men means trouble. It means they're free to talk. They can start talking about the ways in which men and male-dominated society have hurt them. They can support each other.
This can be in activist ways but also in small everyday ways, like handing a strange woman a tampon or pointing out a wardrobe malfunction to her. Access to menstrual products and clothing are all ways in which the patriarchy tries to control women.
So anytime a woman helps another woman in such a small way, it's a little act of rebellion. She helps the other woman survive under patriarchy. Don't we all know the feeling when a woman tells you "That looks great on you" when we're trying out an outfit in a clothing store?
And don't we know how different it feels when there's a man leaning against the wall eyeing you. That's the male gaze right there. Under his eye. That's why we need female-only spaces. To get away from that. To feel free, uncontrolled, able to make our own decisions.
And men know that. They know they have to control us or all these little and big acts of rebellion against the patriarchy will make it crumble, and they will be the victims under the rubble.
I think men know instinctively women are a danger to their supremacy when left unwatched. This is why "they just want to pee", "acceptance without exception", "TWAW", and "What about the men" is all about. It's about fear and control of women.
