Thread by @Mikeachim

One thing a life in the UK poorly prepares you for: when Autumn turns to Winter in the Mediterranean, it generally does so with a BANG. Last night here in Corfu, a storm punched through, and I lost a table and nearly all my underwear.
(1/)

At 5am I wake. The house is vibrating like the god-emperor of all washing machines is on spin in the basement. Something smashes outside in a twinkly way. I peer through the curtains. Rain howls past my face. Then the balcony table flips past, hits the railing and explodes.
(2/)

It's closely followed by the metal laundry rack that currently has all my pants drying on it. It somersaults, then wedges between the wall and the railing, right on the brink. All my underwear is about to be scattered across Corfu and maybe mainland Greece. I must act.
(3/)

I fight the patio door open, and an inward gust strips the linen off my bed and wraps it around the side-lamp. This was foolish but I'm committed. I lurch outside - and the wind grabs me & sends me Tony-Hawking down the flash-flooded patio on a pair of my own boxer shorts.
(4/)

I crash into the tangle of laundry-stand and the broken table, screaming as a pair of buffalo-check red briefs wrap themselves around my face as the cold rain lances into me from behind. What a way to die, I think. On brand, perhaps, but still.
(5/)

Down the mountainside below, the Cypress trees are doing the Charleston. The wind picks up and now it's the Carlton. Everything is moving. A pair of M&S pale blue boxers free themselves and whirl into the dark. I'll never see them again in this lifetime.
(6/)

"NOT LIKE THIS," I scream, & with strength I never knew I had, drag the laundry stand & nether-garments back up the patio. I fight uselessly at the door, before remembering laundry-stands are designed to fold up.

That's it. I'm in.

Bedroom's a mess.

But I have pants.

(7/)

Because the Greek gods are fickle and cruel and plague mankind with suffering*, this is what the weather's like today.

But I have pants.

Thanks for reading.

(Fin)

*"Hercules: The Legendary Journeys"